we did not send. Christmas broke us as it was, so that we must live nine days on two dollars and five cents. I think we can do it although the last few of those nine may find us living on rice. That doesnât matter either. Itâs rather amusing. The holidays were pretty exciting. We bought things and arranged them for all of my little nieces and nephews. Then Christmas eve we watched the workings of the god-given attitude, greed. It must be god-given because no other creature except man possesses it. It is our instinct stronger than the sexual and developing only slightly less early than the instinct to eat. The children grabbed things, tore off the papers, and grabbed other things. They squalled if they were not all served at once. And they are not bad as greedy children. They are very normal.
A letter from Maryon [Sheffield] this morning described a New Yearâs party which must have been a counterpart of the one last year. What are you doing? I donât feel like writing. Iâve been writing all day.
John
To George Albee
Pacific Grove
1931
Dear George:
Your letter this morning aroused a degree of argumentativeness in meâa good sign that the great depression is about over. It strikes me that the world is not nearly as hostile as you are. You fight it so, George. I think it angers you because it pays so little attention to you.
Fine artistic things seem always to be done in the face of difficulties, and the rocky soil, which seems to give the finest flower, is contempt. Donât fool yourself, George, appreciation doesnât make artists. It ruins them. A manâs best work is done when he is fighting to make himself heard, not when swooning audiences wait for his paragraphs. An elevated train two doors away can have far more to do with a fine book than advance royalties or âan eager printerâs boy waiting in the hall.â If you donât want to fight them you shouldnât be writing. One can force attention by making oneâs work superb. Only practice can do that.
Things like this hurt. My sister is staying over night. I say ââI have a new story. I wish youâd listen to it.â She says, âIâd love to.â The story is three weeks of thinking and working. I am proud of it. It makes me laugh because it is so funny. I can hardly read the end because it is so sad. Its characters are my own children. And after supper, my sister walks up town and buys a Saturday Evening Post. I do not read her this story. It is silly. But why should I be angry when she would rather read a story whose value is $3,000 rather than one from my ragged notebookâin first draft and unsaleable. How can I blame her when I wouldnât like to read my own first drafts if I hadnât written them? It takes a great expert to judge a story in manuscript. You must remember that before you let your feelings be hurt.
I think Carolyn would be a good wife. You donât want your wife to think you a genius. No wife ever could and it would be terrible if she did. I had a mistress once who thought I was. I was young enough to think I was too. I had to leave her in sheer boredom and disgust. Itâs too onerous to be a genius.
John
To George Albee
Pacific Grove
February 27, 1931
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Excuse this kind of writing. It is the only kind I am capable of just now. A visit to the dentist this morning has battered my outlook. I meant to answer your last letter before this. In my last letter I had no intention of giving you advice. Advice is not my nature anyway. I blunder terribly, George. I go through life a grazing elephant, knocking down trees I am too stupid to consider formidable. My blindness and unawareness terrify me in the few moments of light. Iâm twenty-nine today, and I havenât thought enough things or done enough things to be that old. This afternoon my parents will drive over to get us and take us to dinner. Dinner at Highland or Del Monte. The check will be