Stone Arabia by Dana Spiotta Read Free Book Online

make me crazy. It just breaks me down. I’ve never done anything as egregious as this woman, but I can so easily imagine that I am the woman. Something about the need for company, the inadequate mothering, the total collapse of self-protection and dignity. I clicked on the photo and enlarged it so I could study her face. I felt my own face getting red and I could feel the choke building in my throat. I searched her name and found another article at another tabloid site. This one had the same photo of the woman—the only photo ever of this woman, forever. But it wasn’t just her—the poor cop who had to take the kid, the poor bartender who served her and then felt queasy as he watched her, the people who sat next to her in the bar—but mostly the woman herself with her pale, bony face and long red hair. And yes, of course I felt sorry for the baby, but everyone feels sorry for the baby. I’m sorry for all those compromised adults, bloodshot and guilty and telling the story later to their friends, just not quite honest about what role they each played in its unfolding.
    I’m only at the end of the first day of the year and I am already exhausted and defeated.

JANUARY 2, 2004
     
    Nothing, I remember nothing about this day.

JANUARY 3, 2004
     
    Nothing at all.
    The Chronicles never have any blanks. Ever. Nik would’ve inserted photos here, all flattering. Or a fanzine questionnaire, like this one from his prehistoric teenage Chronicles of the seventies:
    I’M WITH THE BAND
    The Back Page Vital Stats
    Nik Worth tells us his fervid faves and frustrations
    Name: Nik Worth
    Real name: Nikolas Theodore Kranis
    DOB: May 25, 1954, Hollywood, California
    Hair color: black
    Eye color: brown
    Fave song: “Wear Your Love Like Heaven”
Musical influences: SELF. Okay, here: Bowie, Bee Gees, Donovan (see above), J. Lennon, Faces, John Cage, Velvets & Lou, Macca sans Wings, the Residents, Can, John Fahey, Miles, Incredible String Band, Otis Redding, Carl Stalling, La Monte Young, Eno
    Pastime: taking walks with my dog Martha
    Marital status: single (!!)
Things you look for in a girl: quick smile, patience, love of music, patience, hygiene, patience, pretty hands, patience, trust fund, patience, good sense of humor!
Food: yes [Nik won’t admit it, but he has a weakness for sweets. In an interview with another, unnamed mag (
Melody Maker
), Nik once mentioned how he loves Mars bars. His fans then sent thousands of Mars bars to his studio. More get thrown on stage at every gig. Says Worth, “I appreciate the thought, girls, but please—no more!”]
Gear: my gorgeous old Gretsch, my Goldtop Gibson, and my bike, a ’65 Triumph Bonneville
Calendar: Julian, but also Sumerian
Quote to live by: Orbis Non Sufficient (James Bond)
Building: The Bailey Case Study House #21 by Pierre Koenig
Book: Deuteronomy. No, Ecclesiastes.
Biggest frustration: I can’t hear infrasound
Monoaural or stereophonic: Quadrasonic
    It is easy to fill up the space when you get to make everything up.

FEBRUARY 9
     
    My forty-seventh birthday. Ada called me in the morning from New York. She made me promise to look at her blog. She had posted a photo of us, and it said “happy birthday to my mom,” just like that, no caps or anything. Not “happy birthday, mom” but “to my mom” because it was really reportage to some audience beyond me. It wasn’t a personal message to me but a public announcement about me. The picture was from the mid-nineties. We clutch each other in front of a homemade birthday cake. I would guess Will took the photo. No doubt he gave it to us to keep, but I was sure I had never seen the photo before. I could see our house, the lemon sofa, the sliding glass doors. She was so young, maybe eleven? I studied the picture posted on Ada’s blog and felt a surge of hot tears, which I feel all the time over nothing, then sniffed and made myself some coffee. I was wearing my terry-cloth bathrobe, and I felt lumpy and tired.