Fellow Tube traveller, it is very good to be by your side today. There is a lot going on and I have quite a bit to show and tell you. We are sharing the carriage with some interesting characters indeed. Our own daily routine seems almost bland when we look at what others are up to. But don’t worry, we are lucky that we aren’t in their shoes as every soul has its own cross to bear. You and I are exactly where we should be and don’t let anyone convince you otherwise.
Now, over to your left - no don’t look yet - there is a man. His name is Gerry and he isn’t alone. But don’t misunderstand me. Neither of the people on either side of him knows him. No. He has another in his head; his otherself. And believe me, Tuber, that otherself is a diabolical presence gaining more power over Gerry as the years go by. So please, be very discreet if you decide to take a look. You see Gerry doesn’t like people looking at him. He would hide under the seat if he could just avoid people looking at him. So we will watch him, albeit very discreetly for his otherself acts as both a strong protector and an attention detector. Gerry is a non-descript grey little man who looks like a sixty year old but is in fact only forty eight years old. He has had a tough life. A cruel father and a cold mother gave him a miserable childhood. When he was two, his mother gave birth to a daughter, but the poor child died at three months old. Moira found her cold body in the cot late one night; something that shaped her for the rest of her life. That is where the woman’s coldness came from. And Gerry felt that chill for years. It was as if she decided that she wouldn’t risk her love on another, in case he too was taken away from her. How very sad. And if she had expected any support or sympathy from her fisherman husband, she was mistaken. Alan was a hard man with little time for niceties. He put that woman and their young son through a very hard time when he was at home in between his fishing trips. His companion was a bottle and the wireless, and a crying youngster disturbed his quiet time, as did a nagging wife and he put up with no nonsense from either of them.
Gerry has never married. He isn’t a homosexual, and he finds women sexually attractive, but other than an on-off relationship with a big girl when he was in his early twenties, he has remained single and sexless, relying on his tattered magazines to drain his pipe. Gerry suddenly looks around him. He hears flies buzzing but can’t see them. The girl sitting next to him looks a bit nervous and turns her head the other way in order to avoid his direct gaze. Gerry wishes he was off the train. He would never choose to take the tube and travel in public but his otherself, as he calls him, has made his life hell in the past few months. Gerry knows that the torment would continue indefinitely until he gave in to the otherself’s demands. A similar situation occurred when he turned forty and his otherself insisted he spy on one of his neighbours. The middle aged woman who lived on her own still has no idea that for a period of two months, she was under intense scrutiny, with Gerry tracking her every move. He now believes that was a test by his otherself for when he was prepared to take things a step further and capture the woman, the otherself had told him to stop and forget her. And while he had immediately stopped watching her, it took a longer time to forget about her. She haunted his fantasies for many a night. He was almost disappointed that the mission was called off. What he could have done to her, a woman belonging to him… He hears the flies buzzing again and in his mind screams, “I did what you wanted! I’m on the tube and going to that place. I’ll do what you ask. Why are you still tormenting me?” He hears a nasty laugh, deep in his mind. It is a barren gurgle
Learning to Kill: Stories