Strictly My Husband: It's funny, it's romantic and it's got dancing - what's not to love! by Tracy Bloom Read Free Book Online Page B

for a start he’s not allowed to tell me where the key to the gun safe is.’
    ‘Who says?’
    ‘The police.’
    ‘Why?’
    ‘In case I decide I want to kill him. Apparently they specifically state that a husband should not allow a wife access to a gun.’
    ‘Very sensible.’
    ‘I agree,’ replied Hannah. ‘Having said that, Jerry can’t be trusted tohide anything and not immediately forget where, so he’s put the gun safe keys on a hook next to the corkscrew. What do you need a gun for anyway?’
    ‘To shoot Tom with, of course,’ said Laura, walking over and sitting down on the office chair next to Hannah.
    ‘Oh, that bad eh? I sent him up to see if you were all right – I could tell you were upset. What did he say?’
    ‘Well, for a start, he walked straight past me and went to the toilet.’
    ‘Euurgh, gross.’
    ‘And he didn’t lift the seat.’
    ‘Grosser still.’
    ‘Then he apologised for not asking me first if it was all right for Carly to stay.’
    ‘Good,’ replied Hannah, nodding.
    ‘And that was it,’ said Laura.
    ‘Right,’ said Hannah.
    ‘So what do I do?’
    ‘About what exactly?’
    ‘About Natalie.’ Laura looked at Hannah expectantly. Hannah was her voice of calm, her voice of reason, who somehow managed to cope with the extremes of Jerry’s personality and still stay married. Hannah would tell her what to do.
    ‘What do you mean, Natalie?’ asked Hannah, looking very confused.
    ‘Natalie, living in my house. What do I do about her?’
    ‘Erm . . .’ Hannah hesitated, leaning forward and putting her hand on her friend’s knee. ‘Natalie isn’t living in your house,’ she said quietly. ‘Carly is.’
    Laura’s hand flew up to her mouth in shock. She had no idea she’d said Natalie. Why had she said Natalie?
    ‘Is that why all this is bothering you so much?’ asked Hannah. ‘You think that Carly is Natalie.’
    ‘Noooo,’ cried Laura. ‘Of course not. Because that would make me some seriously screwed-up psycho bitch, wouldn’t it?’
    Hannah nodded. ‘Possibly.’
    Laura paused, studying Hannah’s face.
    ‘But she does remind you a lot of Natalie, doesn’t she?’ she blurted out,unable to stop herself.
    ‘No,’ replied Hannah.
    ‘Really?’ cried Laura. ‘But she’s young and blonde and beautiful and she can sing and she can dance and she’s everything that Natalie was and everything that Tom was totally in love with and engaged to.’
    ‘OK,’ said Hannah calmly. ‘Let’s just take a breath, shall we?’
    ‘OK,’ gasped Laura, trying to control her breathing.
    ‘They were twenty-one,’ Hannah continued. ‘It was eleven years ago. She left him for an extra on
Coronation Street
.’
    ‘He was devastated,’ breathed Laura.
    ‘I know,’ said Hannah. ‘And who got him through it?’
    ‘You never saw him at his worst.’ Laura was close to tears now. ‘You never had to sit there with your arm around him whilst he sobbed his heart out and told you that he’d never find another woman like Natalie,’ she spat out.
    ‘But he did, didn’t he?’
    ‘No he didn’t,’ replied Laura. ‘He didn’t find another woman like her. He settled for me, his buddy, his mate, his best girl friend, the one he felt comfortable with, the one he could have a laugh with, the one who made him feel better when the love of his life walked out on him.’
    ‘Now you’re just being dramatic,’ said Hannah.
    ‘Dramatic!’
    ‘And stupid.’
    ‘No I’m not,’ said Laura, shaking her head. ‘I always knew this would happen. Always. That one day someone more exciting would appear. A dancer or an actress or something. Someone in his profession. And then I’d be history. Who wants to be married to a market research analyst when you can have Britney bloody Spears?’
    ‘He loves you, Laura,’ said Hannah.
    ‘Hah, that’s what you think. But it’s statistically irrelevant.’
    ‘Please don’t start giving me your statistics mumbo jumbo now. This is