Summer's Desire by Olivia Lynde Read Free Book Online

myself as an acne-plagued, overweight hunchback with
straw hair and wearing her granny's clothes, and I'd have to put a bag on my
face before going out in public. Or even out of my room.
    I've tried to ignore her hostility but
it's already wearing me out. Before meeting Jessica I'd been proud of my thick
skin, always letting insults and mockery go over my head—yet it seems that my previous
airtight armor is no match for this girl's toxicity.
    I'm looking out the window, my earphones
on, but I don't hear the music. I've tried to occupy my mind with Jessica, but
the closer the bus gets to Rockford High, the less is that distraction working.
So I give in and let myself think of Seth.
    Today I'll see him, and I'll finally be
able to move on.
    For more than five years, I haven't been
able to reconcile the image of the Seth with whom I grew up—the sweet boy who
cared for me and protected me and held me in my sleep—with the image of the
Seth after I left—the boy who broke his promise to me, who cut me out of his
life without mercy, who was callous enough to ignore 365 letters I wrote him
and the phone numbers I sent him, begging him to call.
    This last part is what hurts the most, I
think. Maybe I could have understood that he stopped wanting to be my friend.
Or at least, I wouldn't have judged him for it. But I don't think I'll ever
understand, or forgive, his heartlessness in not contacting me even once. After
our years together, the least he owed me was a measly letter or phone call to
tell me straight up that he didn't want me as a friend anymore.
    This immense contrast, between the Seth who
loved me and the Seth who abandoned me, has tormented me all this time. I may
have alternated between missing him and hating him, but I've never forgotten
him. I'm still tied to him with the heavy chains of all our shared memories,
all his smiles, all his tender words to me.
    And I need to be set free.
    Today I'll look at him and I won't see
my childhood friend anymore. I'll see a grown boy, a stranger after five years
of no contact, and I'll finally be free of him.
    I'll finally see that the Seth I knew
and loved is gone forever.
     
    T he bus has stopped, I've alighted,
and now I'm standing in front of Rockford High, with students all around me.
Just like that, I'm confronted with the actual reality of where I am and what's
about to happen today, and all of a sudden I can't breathe properly anymore. My
feet are frozen to the ground, my heart is beating too fast, and I fear I'm
about to have a panic attack.
    Stop it! I give myself a
mental slap. So yeah, possibly I'll glimpse Seth today. That's not the
equivalent of the apocalypse coming, right?
    Oh merciful heaven, but it sure feels
that way, as if I'm about to confront my own personal Armageddon! And did I
just say that I'll possibly glimpse Seth? Yeah, right! Way to play it
cool, Summer! In truth, if he's anywhere on school premises, I'll make sure
I see him, even if I have to sneak into the guys' locker room to do so. And
jeez, did I just think that? Eww, am I really that far gone?! I don't think so.
Or I hope not, though I can't be sure.
    Okay, so I probably won't go as far as
stalking him into the guys' locker room, but other than that, I don't really
think I have any boundaries. I truly need to see Seth so I'll have my closure.
All I need is to sneak a look from a safe distance. I'll be careful that he
doesn't spot me when I do.
    Though I don't really know why I'm
worrying about him seeing me . Frankly, it'd be a miracle if he
noticed me. First of all, he clearly stopped thinking about me five years ago,
so he's sure to have forgotten all about me by now. He probably doesn't even
remember how I look. Second, I'm wearing my tried-and-true "school uniform",
whose sole purpose is to make me invisible/unattractive. So there really is no
chance that he'll recognize me.
    I introduced the "uniform" after
I turned fourteen, when I suddenly grew boobs and boys started to take too