Tailspin (Better Than You) by Raquel Valldeperas Read Free Book Online Page B

I’ve tripped over them and face planted the ground. “Shit, shit shit.” I roll over and lie on the ground, right in the middle of the floor. Staring at the ceiling, I reply the night over and over in my head; the faces of the people that thought I was their friend, the whispers from the cops about the spoiled rich kids and what they deserve. Eventually the entire night blurs and folds into itself, making it so that no one’s the bad guy and no one’s the good guy. But still I stand in the middle of the crowd, not belonging here or there. I’m the friend and the cop. The brother and the parent. Both sides of one coin.
    “Nathan?” I hear Emily whisper. Still lying on the ground, I tilt my head and see her standing at the base of the stairs, a baseball bat clenched tightly in her hands.
    “Emily, what are you doing?”
    She lets go of her iron grip on the bat and walks over to me, plopping down cross legged beside my prone body. “Are you drunk?” she asks.
    “Not one bit.”
    “Are you high?”
    “I wish.”
    She slaps my arm. Hard, actually. “Not funny.”
    We sit in silence, me looking up at the ceiling and Emily inspecting her fingernails. “I’m teaching you how to use a gun,” I say, breaking the silence.
    Even in the half dark house, I see her face scrunch up in confusion. “Why?”
    “Because,” I say, “You need to learn how to use one and how to protect yourself.”
    “I would never kill anybody,” she says angrily.
    I sigh and sit up, face her and cross my legs. “It’s not about killing anybody. It’s about knowing what to do in case you have to defend yourself. Or Joshua.”
    She stares into my eyes, unblinking. “You’re different.”
    I nod. “So are you.”
    “Touché.”
    “Oh, and if I ever catch you doing drugs, I will lock you in a teeny tiny room with nothing but a bible to entertain you and you will never, ever be allowed to come out. Ever again.”
    Instead of laughing or telling me off, she continues to stare at me, her eyes soft and concerned. “Nathan, what’s going on with you? Is this about your new police job?” Again, I nod. “Is it hard?” she asks.
    “Very,” I say seriously.
    “Why don’t you quit? We have the bar. We could move into a smaller house. I know this place has got to cost a fortune and we definitely don’t need all the room.”
    “It’s our home, Em. This house and the bar are all that we have left of them.”
    She shakes her head, her messy blonde hair flying out from behind her ears. “They’re buildings. They’re not Mom and Dad. We have our love for them and our memories and each other. It’s all we need.”
    “I just don’t know if I’m doing the right thing.”
    “The right thing isn’t ever the obvious thing or the easy thing. Sometimes you have to dig through all the shit to get to the good stuff.”
    “Watch your mouth,” I say with a smile. “When did you get so smart anyways? Aren’t I the one that’s supposed to be giving the advice?”
    She shrugs her shoulder, wipes the tears from her big blue eyes. “You don’t always have to be the parent. It wasn’t a role that was yours in the first place, and it won’t be a role you have to fill by yourself.” I can’t help but stare at her, at this girl who was the bane of my existence and is now my best friend. “Just a little hint,” she says, “It might be easier to find a girlfriend if you don’t act like a total dumbass when she says something wise.”
    I place my hand on her forehead and push her back. “Hey!” she screams as she falls on the floor, her legs coming uncrossed beneath her.
    “Let’s go wake J. I want pancakes.”
     

8
     
    July 19, 2007
     
                  Heather looks exactly the same as the day she walked out of my life, leaving me naked and alone in the middle of my dark, empty house. A part of me wants to walk over to her, pick up the iced caramel macchiato she’s sipping and wrap my lips around the straw while