The Act of Marriage: The Beauty of Sexual Love by Tim Lahaye Read Free Book Online

in our opinion, the primary drive in a woman. She should never be ashamed of this psychical phenomenon; God made her this way. The most frustrated women in the world are those who stifle or substitute that tendency for a lesser priority. If our assumption is true, and we believe it is, then her rating as a wife is all-important to a woman.
    You may be asking, “What relation does that have to the act of marriage?” Everything! A wife is more than a mother and homemaker. She is also a sexual partner to her mate. Like the male, if she does not succeed in the bedroom, she fails also in other areas—for two reasons: first, few men accept bedroom failure without being carnal, nasty, and insulting; second and more important, if her husband doesn’t enjoy her lovemaking, he will make his disapproval obvious by blaming her. A woman receives major portions of her self-esteem from her husband. In fact, we have yet to find a woman with a good self-image who disapproves of herself as a wife. This, in our opinion, is one reason divorcées often marry beneath themselves the second time—they have been beaten down by their husbands and forfeited the self-acceptance that is vital to everyone.
    An anxious woman came for counseling to ask my opinion as to whether she or her husband was right. “I think sex is unnecessary in a Christian marriage. My husband doesn’t agree.” Sexually well-adjusted women and all men would side with her husband, but our research indicates that some sexually frustrated women would agree with her. This lady dogmatically announced, “I can live the rest of my life without sex!” Is it any wonder that she ranks as the married woman with the lowest self-image we have ever counseled? When confronted with the challenge that she would never learn to accept herself as a woman unless her husband accepted her as a wife, she returned to her marriage bed with a new motivation. In time, and with God’s help, that new attitude transformed both their relationship and her personality. Today she is a mature woman with a reasonably good self-image.
    2. It reassures her of her husband’s love. The one point on which psychologists agree is that all people have a basic need to be loved. This is generally more true of women than men. Women have a tremendous capacity for love, both giving and receiving. Hundreds of illustrations could be given of “mother-love,” “wife-love,” or “sister-love,” but the reader is doubtlessly familiar with these already. However, many are unaware of the five kinds of love required by a woman.
    (a) Companionship love. Few women enjoy solitude for long periods of time. Have you noticed how few hermits and recluses are women? A few exceptions may be found among the aged, of course, when women become senile or have outlived all their loved ones. But a woman looks upon marriage as perpetual companionship, which explains why so many marital problems occur when a man’s job takes him out of the home for long periods of time. Too often he does not understand his wife’s need for companionship. When he is regularly surrounded by people, he usually can’t wait to get away for a while and be alone. When he arrives home, he may find his wife craving his attention and company.
    If men realized this need in their wives, they would spend less time in front of the television set when they are at home and learn to enjoy wifely companionship. It is also true that many women would do well to improve their companionship appeal by talking about things that interest men instead of making small talk. It is unwise for a wife to direct all the conversation toward her interests when her husband comes home. It is a good rule to accompany his arrival home with pleasant conversation that is interesting to him and conveys a message of love and welcome. This usually involves allowing him to share his thoughts with her and showing her interest in his activities. This gives her opportunities to build him up with