The Baby by Lisa Drakeford Read Free Book Online Page B

Olivia’s mum being an extreme example. Nicola was the first to be allowed into town alone; the first to go for sleepovers; the first to catch buses and be out all day on her own. They’d never been a family where you had to be back for mealtimes. That kind of routine just didn’t exist for Nicola and her mum.
    So it’s all the more shocking to see her mother at the door with a furrowed forehead now.
    â€˜Out. Down the shops.’ Nicola’s voice is surprisingly watery.
    â€˜In this weather? With a bloody newborn? What the hell were you thinking?’
    She reaches for the buggy and starts to pull it in. It bashes against the door frame and the wheels make greasy marks on the hall floor. Nicola watches her mother scan her granddaughter. She’s checking , she thinks, she’s actually checking to see if she’s OK .
    There’s a swell of something in the back of her throat. She’s not seen her mum look so concerned about the baby before.
    Eliza’s fine. She’s not even damp. ‘She’ll catch a cold,’ her mum says. ‘She’ll get a chill. How could you be so stupid to take her out in this?’ She tugs at the zip under the soft folds of Eliza’s chin. ‘If she gets ill and it’s your fault they’ll take her away. Surely you know that? They’re watching you like a hawk. Don’t you know anything?’
    Nicola gulps and pushes at her wet fringe. All the fun of the last five minutes disappears in a flash. ‘I didn’t think …’
    Ben interrupts. ‘When we left the house it wasn’t raining, Mrs Taylor. We got caught in the rainstorm. It took us by surprise. But we made sure Eliza wasn’t wet and we’re going to change her clothes as soon as we get upstairs.’ Nicola stares at the swirls on the carpet. She swallows a smile. Ben is so good at this stuff. He touches her mum’s arm. ‘I’m sorry if we worried you.’
    As they move up the stairs, conscious of her mum’s suspicious eyes on her back, it takes all of her strength not to let the swallowed smile burst out on to her face.
    Perhaps going out was a good idea after all.
    For them all.

    With a towel in his hands after helping her with the baby, Ben speaks carefully.
    â€˜Have you had a chance to speak to Olivia yet?’
    Nicola glances up at his still-damp face. She’s changed intoa pair of grey trackies but her hair is still plastered to her neck. She lowers her eyes, fiddling with the poppers on Eliza’s pale-yellow babygrow. ‘No. I think she’s avoiding me.’
    He sighs and attacks his hair and face with the towel. ‘I’m sure she misses you.’
    There’s a lump at the back of her throat. ‘And I miss her more than anything. I’ve texted her loads. But she’s not replied.’
    â€˜I think you should try and see her face to face.’
    She sighs, puts Eliza in her Moses basket. ‘I slept with her boyfriend. Why the hell should she want to ever speak to me again?’
    There’s a large silence which fills the room. Like she’s underwater.
    â€˜And you wanted to … ? I mean, he didn’t force himself on you or anything?’
    Her mouth flops open. That he could even think this. And the shame. The pure, horrid shame. She drops her head. Whispers so that she feels him watching carefully to understand her. ‘I wanted it as much as him.’ She squeezes her fingers. ‘I’m as much to blame as him.’
    Another silence washes over the bedroom. It’s true. Why would Olivia ever forgive her? There’s a sigh from Eliza and her fingers flash wide. ‘I think she wants her bottle,’ Nicola says. ‘I’ll go and warm one up.’ She walks towards the door.
    â€˜I think she’s split up with Jonty.’
    Nicola stops, holding on to the door handle. Her fingers are white.
    â€˜How do you know?’
    â€˜Cos she’s