instead of expecting him to read my mind.
“I know,” he admitted all in a whoosh. “I know. I’m so sorry about that. It won’t happen again.”
“Won’t happen again?” I was falling, falling. I couldn’t wrap my head around what he was trying to say. “Why not? I liked it, Ford, in case you didn’t notice.”
“I know. I liked it too. But Cropper…he doesn’t like it.”
I screwed up my face. “What? Who gives a flying fuck what Cropper does or doesn’t like? Aren’t you over eighteen? Aren’t you your own man?”
“Maybe after I move to the new yard to run Illuminati Trucking,” Ford said weakly. “I’ve got to get out from under Cropper’s roof, Madison.”
“What the fuck, Ford?” I seethed. “You know that yard’s not going to be ready for another few months with all your permits and all, and I’ll be in Flagstaff by then. Why don’t you really tell me why you don’t want a repeat performance? You don’t like me that way. Is that it?”
Ford smeared his hand over his beautiful face. He was so handsome I loathed him. I hated him, hated him! Why the fuck had I moved back into Ingrid’s broken-down house if I wasn’t going to be close to him? “That’s not it at all, Madison. You know I want you. I swear it’s Cropper. Listen. He’s got a…perversion.”
“Perversion? What else is new?”
“No, listen. He likes to watch .”
“Watch? Like he’s a voyeur? So?”
“Yes, like he’s a voyeur. You wouldn’t believe how many times he’s watched me getting up on sweetbutts. There are even holes drilled in the walls at the Bum Steer.”
“So what?” I had heard of worse, more warped things in my short life. Ingrid once had a customer who, she told me after he split, liked to dress up as a pony and be ridden, harnessed, and fed like a horse.
“So I just don’t feel comfortable subjecting you to that. You’re better than that, Madison.”
I calmed down a little. It wasn’t me—it was Cropper getting in between us. I sidled up to him and crossed my arms so my tits spilled over my neckline. “Well, then. There are plenty of other places we can go. Didn’t Cropper tell your brothers to get their own crash pads? Or a hotel.”
“No. That won’t help, Madison. Trust me. Cropper wants a taste of you, and I don’t want to give him even the slightest idea in that direction. If we can make it until you leave for school, then we’re home clear. I’ll be living at the airfield in that hangar, and it’s a fucking big hangar.”
It all sounded like a bunch of fucking excuses to me. Ford didn’t want me. If men want you, they go and take you, no questions asked. They don’t let stupid, weird things like “my father wants a taste of you” get in their way.
“I see.” I hoped to hell those hot, burning tears didn’t overflow down my face. I’d run if that happened. I had to face him squarely with unfeeling pride now. “I get the picture, Ford. You just can’t wait until you live in that hangar so you can fuck all the sweetbutts you want.”
I did have to run away then, because the fucking bell was ringing, but Ford yelled after me,
“And why don’t you wear shirts that cover you up better? Everyone can see half your tits!”
That’s right, just yell that, why don’t you? About a hundred kids had heard that one and my tits jiggled furiously as I tried to storm with pride up the front school steps.
I would damn well continue wearing wifebeaters. I had a summer job at a sandwich shop, so I’d go and fucking buy an even better push-up bra with my income!
So I spent more nights at Sabrina’s, since her mother wasn’t sick to death of me anymore. I could alternate between Sabrina and the homes of a few other girls who had come to drool over Ford dropping me off at school. All I had to do was give a hint that he might come by to pick me up at their house in the morning, and the invitations to sleep over came flooding in.
I know it sounds passive-aggressive