The Best of Archy and Mehitabel by Don Marquis Read Free Book Online Page A

declared war
    upon humanity
    i even i shall fling
    the mighty atom
    that splits a planet asunder
    i ride the microbe
    that crashes down olympus
    where have i been you ask me where
    i am jove and from my seat
    on the edge of a bowl of beef stew
    i launch the thunderous
    molecule
    that smites a cosmos into bits
    where have i been you ask
    but you had better ask
    who follows in my train
    there is an ant
    a desert ant a tamerlane
    who ate a pyramid in rage
    that he might get at and devour
    the mummies of six hundred
    kings who in remote
    antiquity had stepped upon
    and crushed ascendants of his
    my myrmidons
    are trivial things
    and they have always ruled
    the world
    and now they shall strike down mankind
    i shall show you how
    a solar system
    pivots on the nubbin
    of a flageolet bean
    i shall show you how a blood clot
    moving in a despot’s brain
    flung a hundred million men
    to death and disease
    and plunged a planet into woe
    for twice a hundred years
    we have the key
    to the fourth dimension
    for we know the little things
    that swim and swarm
    in protoplasm
    i can show you love and hate
    and the future
    dreaming side by side
    in a cell
    in the little cells where
    matter is so fine it merges
    into spirit
    you ask me where i have been
    but you had better
    ask me where i am
    and what
    i have been drinking
    exclamation point
    archy

archy protests
    say comma boss comma capital
    i apostrophe m getting tired of
    being joshed about my
    punctuation period capital t followed by
    he idea seems to be
    that capital i apostrophe m
    ignorant where punctuation
    is concerned period capital n followed by
    o such thing semi
    colon the fact is that
    the mechanical exigencies of
    the case prevent my use of
    all the characters on the
    typewriter keyboard period
    capital i apostrophe m
    doing the best capital
    i can under difficulties semi colon
    and capital i apostrophe m
    grieved at the unkindness
    of the criticism period please
    consider that my name
    is signed in small
    caps period
    archy period

CAPITALS AT LAST
    I THOUGHT THAT SOME HISTORIC DAY
    SHIFT KEYS WOULD LOCK IN SUCH A WAY
    THAT MY POETIC FEET WOULD FALL
    UPON EACH CLICKING CAPITAL
    AND NOW FROM KEY TO KEY I CLIMB
    TO WRITE MY GRATITUDE IN RHYME
    YOU LITTLE KNOW WITH WHAT DELIGHT

    CAPITALS AT LAST
    THROUGHOUT THE LONG AND LONELY NIGHT
    I’VE KICKED AND BUTTED (FOOT AND BEAN)
    AGAINST THE KEYS OF YOUR MACHINE
    TO TELL THE MOVING TALE OF ALL
    THAT TO A COCKROACH MAY BEFALL
    INDEED IF I COULD NOT HAVE HAD
    SUCH OCCUPATION I’D BE MAD
    AH FOR A SOUL LIKE MINE TO DWELL
    WITHIN A COCKROACH THAT IS HELL
    TO SCURRY FROM THE PLAYFUL CAT
    TO DODGE THE INSECT EATING RAT
    THE HUNGRY SPIDER TO EVADE
    THE MOUSE THAT %) ?)) ” ” ” $$$ ((gee boss
    what a jolt that cat mehitabel made
    a jump for me
    i got away but she unlocked the shift key
    it kicked me right into the
    mechanism where she
    couldn t reach me it
    was nearly the death of little
    archy that kick spurned me right
    out of parnassus back into
    the vers libre slums i lay
    in behind the wires for an hour after
    she left before i dared to get
    out and finish i hate
    cats say boss please lock the shift
    key tight some night
    i would like to tell the story of
    my life all in capital
    letters
    archy

the stuff of literature
    thank your friends for me for
    all their good advice about how to
    work your typewriter but what i have
    always claimed is that manners and methods
    are no great matter compared
    with thoughts in poetry you cant hide
    gems of thought so they wont flash
    on the world on the other hand if you press
    agent poor stuff that wont make it live
    my ego will express itself in spite of
    all mechanical obstacles having something
    to say is the thing being sincere
    counts for more than forms of expression thanks
    for the doughnuts
    archy

quote and only man is vile quote
    as a representative
    of the insect world
    i have often wondered
    on what man bases his claims
    to superiority
    everything he knows he has had
    to learn whereas