The Best of Archy and Mehitabel by Don Marquis Read Free Book Online Page B

we insects are born
    knowing everything we need to know
    for instance man had to invent
    airplanes before he could fly
    but if a fly cannot fly
    as soon as he is hatched
    his parents kick him out and disown him
    i should describe the human race
    as a strange species of bipeds
    who cannot run fast enough
    to collect the money
    which they owe themselves
    as far as government is concerned
    men after thousands of years practice
    are not as well organized socially
    as the average ant hill or beehive
    they cannot build dwellings
    as beautiful as a spiders web
    and i never saw a city
    full of men manage to be as happy
    as a congregation of mosquitoes
    who have discovered a fat man
    on a camping trip
    as far as personal beauty
    is concerned who ever saw
    man woman or child
    who could compete with a butterfly
    if you tell a dancer
    that she is a firefly
    she is complimented
    a musical composer
    is all puffed up with pride
    if he can catch the spirit
    of a summer night full of crickets
    man cannot even make war
    with the efficiency and generalship
    of an army of warrior ants
    and he has done little else
    but make war for centuries
    make war and wonder
    how he is going to pay for it
    man is a queer looking gink
    who uses what brains he has
    to get himself into trouble with
    and then blames it on the fates
    the only invention man ever made
    which we insects do not have
    is money and he gives up
    everything else to get money
    and then discovers that it is not worth
    what he gave up to get it
    in his envy he invents
    insect exterminators
    but in time every city he builds
    is eaten down by insects
    what i ask you is babylon now
    it is the habitation of fleas
    also nineveh and tyre
    humanitys culture consists
    in sitting down in circles
    and passing the word around
    about how darned smart humanity is
    i wish you would tell
    the furnace man at your house
    to put out some new brand
    of roach paste i do not get
    any kick any more out of the brand
    he has been using the last year
    formerly it pepped me up
    and stimulated me
    i have a strange tale about
    mehitabel to tell you
    more anon
    archy

mehitabel s morals
    boss i got
    a message from
    mehitabel the cat
    the other day
    brought me by
    a cockroach
    she asks for our help
    it seems she is being
    held at ellis
    island while an
    investigation is made
    of her morals
    she left the country
    and now it looks as
    if she might not
    be able to get

    investigating her morals
    back in again
    she cannot see
    why they are
    investigating
    her morals she says
    wotthehellbill she says
    i never claimed
    i had any morals
    she has always regarded
    morals as an unnecessary
    complication in life
    her theory is
    that they take up room that might
    better be devoted to
    something more interesting
    live while you are alive
    she says and postpone
    morality to the hereafter
    everything in its place
    is my rule she says
    but i am liberal she
    says i do not give
    a damn how moral other
    people are i never try
    to interfere with them
    in fact i prefer them
    moral they furnish
    a background for my
    vivacity in the meantime
    it looks as if she
    would have to swim
    if she gets ashore and
    the water is cold
    archy

cream de la cream
    well boss mehitabel the cat
    has turned up again after a long
    absence she declines
    to explain her movements but she
    drops out dark hints of a
    most melodramatic nature ups and downs
    archy she says always ups and downs

    that is what my life has
    been one day lapping
    up the cream de la cream and the
    next skirmishing for
    fish heads in an alley but
    toujours gai archy toujours gai no
    matter how the luck broke i have had a
    most romantic life archy talk
    about reincarnation and transmigration
    archy why i could tell you things of who
    i used to be archy that would make
    your eyes stick out like a snails one
    incarnation queening it with a tarara on
    my bean as cleopatra archy and
    the next being abducted as a poor
    working girl but toujours gai archy toujours
    gai and finally my soul has