sundae, with chocolate sauce and peanuts all over it!” He slaps his hand down on the table and starts cracking up at his own stupid story.
The rest of them laugh, too. Riley even looks over at me, to see if I think it’s as funny as they do, which I do not. And not just because I don’t think it’s crazy and hilarious that villains occasionally get caught eating desserts like regular people, but because it couldn’t have happened.
Their mom leans her head back and sighs. “I forgot how much trouble you two used to get into.”
Curtis notices I’m the only one not convulsing with side-splitting laughter and says, “That was a little hero humor, there. I guess it’s not for everyone.”
It’s too bad Gordon’s not here to see me not zap this guy. Even if I really, really want to. “It’s an okay story, I guess. But it would be funnier if it was true.” Which it’s not. It can’t be.
The laughter at the table dies down.
Riley shoots me a withering look, like he doesn’t know why I always have to cause trouble.
“I assure you,” Curtis says, trying to sound good-natured about it, “every word is the honest truth.”
“The Thief King was deathly allergic to peanuts. Everyone knows that.”
He kind of gapes at me for a second. “You sure?”
“Uh, yeah. It’s common knowledge.” At least it is for villains. I assumed it was for everyone, but maybe not.
He holds his hands out, palm up. “I mixed it up, then. It was a long time ago. Maybe it was sprinkles instead.” He laughs at that, like that makes the story even funnier. Like he’s going to tell it like that from now on.
So much for the honest truth.
Now that I ruined the mood, their mom gets up to start clearing the plates. Curtis puts a hand on her lower back, which suddenly seems really intimate and over the line, except she doesn’t even flinch. Like it’s normal for him to put his hands on her. Ugh. “Let me do that, Win,” he says.
Zach cringes and Riley looks away. I raise my eyebrows at him, but he pretends he doesn’t notice.
“No, I’ve got it,” their mom says, not noticing how weirded out her kids are by what just happened. And me. Don’t forget me.
Curtis gets up and follows her off into the kitchen anyway.
As soon as they’re out of sight, I turn to Riley and say, “So, that guy’s doing your mom, huh?”
He makes a face. “ No. I mean, they... They’ve been on a couple dates, I guess. That’s all.”
“That we know about,” Zach says. “She only just told us they were together last week. She wouldn’t have said anything if it wasn’t for sure. Which means they were already going out before that.”
“He’s got a point,” I tell Riley.
“And she never dates,” Zach adds. “It’s only been three years.”
“Three and a half,” Riley corrects him, without looking up from an imaginary spot on the table he’s staring at. “But... she wasn’t going to stay single forever.” He sounds more like he’s trying to convince himself than anyone else. “And he’s always looked out for us, ever since Dad died. It makes sense, kind of.”
“But he’s not our dad. It’s weird. And gross. And he’d better not be... you know. With her.” Zach’s face turns a little red and he clears his throat.
“He’s a liar,” I say, taking a drink from my water glass. “His story doesn’t make sense.”
Riley spreads his hands out on the table. “It’s just a story.”
“A fake one. When did he say it happened? Five years ago? Because the Thief King relocated to South America a year or so before that.”
“So? Maybe he got the date wrong. And... he likes telling us stories about our dad. I figure he ran out of true ones a long time ago.”
“So you don’t care that he’s a liar? Or that he’s—”
“He’s not doing my mom!”
He practically shouts that at me, right as his mom and Curtis come back in with a tray of brownies and a carton of ice cream.
There’s a moment of really