The Book of Awesome by Neil Pasricha Read Free Book Online Page A

you peel back their crinkly, mildewed curtain and open up a fantasy world of half-used bizarro products filling all corners of the bathtub, piled high in bright pinks and neon greens like a candy store.
    So go ahead: Lock that door, strip right down, and get right in there. Just make sure you follow the Top Four Showering in Other People’s Shower Rules :
    1. Bar Ban. The bar of soap is completely off-limits, no questions asked. You don’t know where it’s been, they don’t know where you’re putting it, so you just have to stay away. The last thing anyone wants for a thank-you gift is a nest of wet hairs in the soap dish.
    2. Watch the clock. Definitely enjoy the moment, but don’t take too long. You don’t know their hot water situation or if they need the bathroom, so get out before you get the place too steamy. And leave the fan on.
    3. Sampling is encouraged. If you’re staying with a couple, chances are good they’ve got His and Hers sections. Try both! What’s this? New scent of body wash? Squirt! Weird kiwi-grapefruit face wash? Squirt! Forty-dollar-a-bottle salon conditioner that looks like it came from a science lab? Squirt squirt squirt!
    4. Don’t finish anything. Squirt away, but don’t drain anything. They might be counting on one last use of their favorite conditioner and you don’t want to rob them of that.
    So that’s it. That’s the perfect traveling shampoo situation and them’s the rules for living by it.
    Now, is it just me, or does using all the different shampoos and soaps in someone else’s shower make you feel like you’re in some kind of focus group ? You can just see the end of it too: A few folks in white smocks hold clipboards waiting for you outside the bathroom door in the dark hallway. It flies open and steam shoots out in all directions. You emerge in a towel, your skin damp, your feet wet. And quickly, there are questions: “What did you think of the blue bottle? Did it give you the lather you were looking for? What about the scent?” They keep going, writing furiously as you spit out your first impressions. Then they ask the big one: “What was the shower experience like overall?” They wait expectantly, heads bowed, pencils hovering just above the sheet, eyes peering up at you over their glasses.
    And you smile and you nod and you know what to tell them.
    AWESOME!

When the vending machine gives you two things instead of one
    First you spot the Teetering Treat .
    It’s the candy bar hanging onto the metal spirals for dear life, just sitting there after giving the last customer the ol’ For Sale Fail and teasing him instead of delivering the goods. And instead of spending another dollar to test his luck, he decided to walk away. Hey, we’ve all been there too, so now it’s time for some good old-fashioned Vending Machine Karma, also known as Chocolate Justice .
    So just drop your money in, push the buttons, and listen for that sweet thump-thump of two treats dropping into the Sugar Basin at once. Now push back the awkwardly heavy door and swipe a paw in there to scoop up your treasures. Kiss the vending machine plastic window, hold your nougat-filled plunder up to the sky, and then flee the scene.
    It’s snacking time.
    Yes, that free treat is great because now’s your chance to play Santa on an unsuspecting coworker or classmate. Got someone who could use a caramel fix? Of course you do. So share the wealth and give yourself a break together. It’s Christmas again.
    Also, no matter how much you try, you can’t return the free snack . No, there’s no wedging your hand up there and throwing it back into its Metal Spiral Jail Cell. So ditch the guilt and smile back at the Gods of Snacking , for they have smiled down upon you.
    And let me tell you something else: You deserve it.
    AWESOME!

Licking the batter off the beaters of a cake mixer
    You can’t do it without getting batter all over your face, because there’s that hard-to-reach place in the middle of the