The Book of Awesome by Neil Pasricha Read Free Book Online Page B

beater. Your tongue isn’t going to reach, and leaving it un-licked isn’t an option. So get in there, get sticky, and get
    AWESOME!

Being the first person into a really crowded movie theater and getting the prime seats
    When it comes to movie theater seats, everybody has their favorite.
    First up, there’s the Back Row Crowd . We all know these people because most of us have been these people. With nobody behind you the back row becomes a prime make-out spot, a perfect place to sneak sips from your secret flask, or just somewhere to place your really, really tall and lanky body without blocking anyone’s view. Thanks for that, by the way.
    Next you’ve got your Middle of the Packers . These folks go for some of the most popular seats—the middle seats in the middle row about midway back. They might go on about how the sound is better from straight ahead or how they get a headache from sitting too close, but I think they just like being in the thick of things. And who can blame them?
    Side Guys , that’s who. Yes, the folks who enjoy sitting in the thin side sections of the movie theater are a rare breed, but they’re out there. Maybe they have pea-sized bladders or fidgety children in tow and need access to a quick getaway lane. Or perhaps they want some thinking space and don’t like fighting for armrests. Whatever their reasons, I think I can safely say that most of us are glad they exist, because they really help our odds at getting the other seats.
    And we can’t forget the La-Z-Boys n’ Girls . These are the folks who put their feet up on the seat in front of them. “I came here to relax,” they seem to say to themselves. “So I’m going to relax.” They have no problem taking up a seat in front of them with their dirty sneakers or corn-covered heels. Brave souls may even try to pull off the Extreme La-Z-Move , which involves very slowly and softly putting their feet on the chair in front of them despite someone already sitting in it. It does not involve making new friends, generally. But these folks like their feet up so they’ll even take a corner seat that nobody wants to pull it off.
    Lastly, there are the Front Row Crazies . You know, I used to think people who sat in the front section just had incredibly poor judgment . . . and incredibly good chiropractor coverage! Hey-ohhhhhhh! But seriously, craning their necks sky-high, rolling their heads left to right the whole time, what were they thinking? But then I realized that some of these people are just my friend Mike, who always realizes at the last minute that he forgot his glasses and forces us to sit near the front so he can see the screen.
    So sure, everybody has their favorite seat . The problem is that we don’t always get them.
    Some people buy tickets online and line up really early, so when we get to the theater they’re already there, waiting near the garbage can, smacking their gum , reading their free movie magazine. No, we’re not going to beat those folks unless we want to play their game. And their game is generally pretty long and tedious.
    Other times people seem to know a back route or something. You think you’re going to get a good seat, but suddenly there are two ladies sitting there out of nowhere, stretching out their sweaters and purses across a long row to save room for all their friends. They’re like nervous hens , eyeing you suspiciously like you might grab an egg and take off. They get right into it too. I’ve seen a stretchy wool sweater cover four seats. That’s some serious wingspan.
    Basically, it’s pretty tough to get perfect seats these days. The crowds are big, the crowds are feisty, and the prime plushes ain’t easy to come by. But isn’t that what makes it so special when you really nail it? When you skip up those stairs, eye your prize, toss your windbreaker in front of you, and grab your perfect little bank of seats before the big show? I hope you’ll agree that getting those perfect movie seats