away, so we tried the distance thing. But eventually it just fell apart. I think he was seeing someone else there toward the end.”
“Must’ve hurt.”
“It did. But these things happen.” He looked up at Cash and smiled. “No serious relationships since then. What about you? Any lost loves I should know about?”
“Nothing but one-night stands on my record.”
“Well, I’m going to change that. There’s no way I could do everything I want to do with you in just one night.”
It was Cash’s turn to blush. He grinned and looked away.
“Tell me about your parents,” Adam asked.
Cash cleared his throat. “You want my coming out story?”
“Yeah.”
He cleared his throat again. “Well, I was twenty-one. I’d never been attracted to girls, but I dated them because that’s what my older brothers did. I was with my girlfriend at a bar the first time I realized there was something wrong with me.”
“There’s nothing wrong with you.”
“That’s not how I felt at the time. So I was at this bar with this totally hot girl who gave it up to me anytime I wanted, and all I could think was how much I wanted in the pants of this guy across the room. I took my girl home later and closed my eyes and thought of that guy while I fucked her. The next day I broke up with her. Took a few weeks to get my shit together. Then when I was ready, I found a time when my whole family was together. Some Sunday dinner, I don’t remember the occasion. Mom and Dad, my two older brothers and my younger sister.”
“You hadn’t told Rye? As close as you two are?”
“We got close after. Actually, I thought he’d take it the hardest. He’s the macho man of the crew. Scott’s pretty tough, but Rye’s, like, John Wayne.”
Adam smiled at the familiar comparison.
“So anyway, I just told them I needed to explain something. I told them how I felt more attracted to men than women. How I was sure I was gay and wasn’t sure how they would feel. That I loved them and hoped this wouldn’t change how they felt about me. For Mom and Candace…well, they cried. They asked a lot of questions. But then they hugged me and promised they’d come to terms with it and nothing would change. Scott looked at me like I had some sort of disease. I just remember Rye standing with his back to me, looking out the window. Chewing gum. He was always chewing gum.” He smiled to himself.
Adam wanted to touch him, but he didn’t want to jeopardize his chances of hearing the rest of the story. “And your dad?”
Cash gave a bitter laugh. “He grabbed me by the front of my shirt, jerked me to my feet, and told me he’d never been so sick with disappointment in his life. He told me he wasn’t going to be father to some fag fuck and to either stop being queer or get the hell out of his house. At which point Rye stepped in and asked Dad to settle down so we could talk things out. I just sat down in shock. Mom and Candace were on either side of me. I’m not sure how Rye and Dad ended up fighting, but it got really bad. I tried for about two weeks to reconcile things with the old man, but he wouldn’t budge. And Rye was beyond forgiving him. You know…” Cash sat back and frowned at the space in front of him.
“What?” Adam asked. He had one elbow on the table, his chin resting on his fist.
“I never did find out how Rye felt about me back then. He never said. But he took me in and we’ve lived together ever since. He’s never seemed to have a problem when I bring a guy home. He even took me to a gay bar for my birthday one year. Which was funny because he got more phone numbers than me.”
Adam laughed at the image of Rye flirting with other guys. “Maybe he’s in the closet.”
“No way. He loves breasts. Can’t keep his eyes off of them. Salivates like a dog over a steak.”
Just then Rye and the woman he’d been fondling all evening headed out the front door. “I guess your chaperone’s gone for the
Learning to Kill: Stories