strategists.â
âLetâs hope not,â Oriana says distractedly, her eyes on Oak, lifting her glass of canary wine.
âIndeed,â says Madoc. âLetâs have a toast. To the incompetence of our enemies.â
I pick up my glass and knock it into Tarynâs, then drain it to the very dregs.
Thereâs always something left to lose.
I think about that all through the dawn, turning it over in my head. Finally, when I can toss and turn no more, I pull on a robe over my nightgown and go outside into the late-morning sun. Bright as hammered gold, it hurts my eyes when I sit down on a patch of clover near the stables, looking back at the house.
All of this was my motherâs before it was Orianaâs. Mom must have been young and in love with Madoc back then. I wonder what it was like for her. I wonder if she thought she was going to be happy here.
I wonder when she realized she wasnât.
I have heard the rumors. It is no small thing to confound the High Kingâs general, to sneak out of Faerie with his baby in your belly and hide for almost ten years. She left behind the burned remains of another woman in the blackened husk of his estate. No one can say she didnât prove her toughness. If sheâd just been a little luckier, Madoc would have never realized she was still alive.
She had a lot to lose, I guess.
Iâve got a lot to lose, too.
But so what?
âSkip our lessons today,â I tell Taryn that afternoon. I am dressed and ready early. Though I have not slept, I do not feel at all tired. âStay home.â
She gives me a look of deep concern as a pixie boy, newly indebted to Madoc, braids her chestnut hair into a crown. She is sitting primly at her dressing table, clad all in brown and gold. âTelling me not to go means I should. Whatever youâre thinking, stop. I know youâre disappointed about the tournamentââ
âIt doesnât matter,â I say, although, of course, it does. It matters so much that, now, without hope of knighthood, I feel like a hole has opened up under me and I am falling through it.
âMadoc might change his mind.â She follows me down the stairs, grabbing up our baskets before I can. âAnd at least now you wonât have to defy Cardan.â
I turn on her, even though none of this is her fault. âDo you know why Madoc wonât let me try for knighthood? Because he thinks Iâm weak.â
âJude,â she cautions.
âI thought I was supposed to be good and follow the rules,â I say. âBut I am done with being weak. I am done with being good. I think I am going to be something else.â
âOnly idiots arenât scared of things that are scary,â Taryn says, which is undoubtedly true, but still fails to dissuade me.
âSkip lessons today,â I tell her again, but she wonât, so we go to school together.
Taryn watches me warily as I talk with the leader of the mock war, Fand, a pixie girl with skin the blue of flower petals. She reminds me that thereâs a run-through tomorrow in preparation for the tournament.
I nod, biting the inside of my cheek. No one needs to know that my hopes were dashed. No one needs to know I ever had any hope at all.
Later, when Cardan, Locke, Nicasia, and Valerian sit down to their lunch, they have to spit out their food in choking horror. All around them are the less awful children of faerie nobles, eating their bread and honey, their cakes and roasted pigeons, their elderflower jam with biscuits and cheese and the fat globes of grapes. But every single morsel in each of my enemiesâ baskets has been well and thoroughly salted.
Cardanâs gaze catches mine, and I canât help the evil smile that pulls up the corners of my mouth. His eyes are bright as coals, his hatred a living thing, shimmering in the air between us like the air above black rocks on a blazing summer day.
âHave you lost your