The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time by Mark Haddon Read Free Book Online

a different town as well. He sometimes say things like, “We've got to get out of this town, kiddo.” And sometimes he says, “Swindon is the arsehole of the world.”
    Then, when I've got a degree in maths, or physics, or maths and physics, I will be able to get a job and earn lots of money and I will be able to pay someone who can look after me and cook my meals and wash my clothes, or I will get a lady to marry me and be my wife and she can look after me so I can have company and not be on my own.
    73. I used to think that Mother and Father might get divorced. That was because they had lots of arguments and sometimes they hated each other. This was because of the stress of looking after someone who has Behavioral Problems like I have. I used to have lots of Behavioral Problems, but I don't have so many now because I'm more grown up and I can take decisions for myself and do things on my own like going out of the house and buying things at the shop at the end of the road.
    These are some of my Behavioral Problems

    A. Not talking to people for a long time 4
    B. Not eating or drinking anything for a long time 5
    C. Not liking being touched
    D. Screaming when I am angry or confused
    E. Not liking being in really small places with other people
    F. Smashing things when I am angry or confused
    G. Groaning
    H. Not liking yellow things or brown things and refusing to touch yellow things or brown things
    I. Refusing to use my toothbrush if anyone else has touched it
    J. Not eating food if different sorts of food are touching each other
    K. Not noticing that people are angry with me
    L. Not smiling
    M. Saying things that other people think are rude 6
    N. Doing stupid things 7
    O. Hitting other people
    P. Hating France
    Q. Driving Mother's car 8
    R. Getting cross when someone has moved the furniture 9

    Sometimes these things would make Mother and Father really angry and they would shout at me or they would shout at each other. Sometimes Father would say, “Christopher, if you do not behave I swear I shall knock the living daylights out of you,” or Mother would say, “Jesus, Christopher, I am seriously considering putting you in a home,” or Mother would say, “You are going to drive me into an early grave.”
    79. When I got home Father was sitting at the table in the kitchen and he had made my supper. He was wearing a lumberjack shirt. The supper was baked beans and broccoli and two slices of ham and they were laid out on the plate so that they were not touching.
    He said, “Where have you been?”
    And I said, “I have been out.” This is called a white lie. A white lie is not a lie at all. It is where you tell the truth but you do not tell all of the truth. This means that everything you say is a white lie because when someone says, for example, “What do you want to do today?” you say, “I want to do painting with Mrs. Peters,” but you don't say, “I want to have my lunch and I want to go to the toilet and I want to go home after school and I want to play with Toby and I want to have my supper and I want to play on my computer and I want to go to bed.” And I said a white lie because I knew that Father didn't want me to be a detective.
    Father said, “I have just had a phone call from Mrs. Shears.”
    I started eating my baked beans and broccoli and two slices of ham.
    Then Father asked, “What the hell were you doing poking round her garden?”
    I said, “I was doing detective work trying to find out who killed Wellington.”
    Father replied, “How many times do I have to tell you, Christopher?”
    The baked beans and the broccoli and the ham were cold but I didn't mind this. I eat very slowly so my food is nearly always cold.
    Father said, “I told you to keep your nose out of other people's business.”
    I said, “I think Mr. Shears probably killed Wellington.”
    Father didn't say anything.
    I said, “He is my Prime Suspect. Because I think someone might have killed Wellington to make Mrs. Shears