The Dastard by Piers Anthony Read Free Book Online Page B

before. She was often the one to get the brightest ideas. “Pet Ition is collecting sig natures for A. Cause!” she exclaimed.
    The woman smiled. “Certainly.” That was the adult way of saying yes. “You may go now.”
    They went--across the drawbridge. But at the other side of it was a huge pile of junk. It completely blocked the entrance to the castle.
    “I think this is another Challenge,” Melody said.
    They stared at the pile. There were all manner of things in it, ranging from pieces of paper to a kitchen sink. There was far too much for them to move, unless they used magic.
    So they tried magic, just in case. They sang and played, trying to make the huge pile light enough to float away, but it just seemed to get heavier, settling down a notch. So magic was not going to do this one either.
    They looked around. To the side was a pit, and in the pit was what looked like a bespectacled man. He was reading a book. That was all; the rest of the pit was completely bare.
    “This must relate,” Harmony said.
    “Somehow,” Rhythm said.
    “Hello,” Melody called to the man.
    He looked up. “Do you have something to eat?” he asked.
    They hadn't thought to bring any food. “No,” Harmony said.
    “I've got to eat!” the man cried. Then he took a bite out of his book.
    They stared down at him, as he consumed the rest of the book. He was really hungry!
    “Junk and a hungry man,” Rhythm said. “We have to figure out how it works.”
    “Maybe he could help us clear that junk away from the door,” Melody said.
    “If we just had something for him to eat,” Harmony said.
    “And I guess he'll eat almost anything,” Rhythm said.
    They looked at each other. There was the odor of a pun in the neighborhood. A bulb flashed over their heads. They couldn't be sure whose light it was.
    They fetched some of the smaller debris from the pile and tossed it into the pit. The man grabbed it and gobbled it up. Soon they uncovered an old wooden ladder. They struggled to drag it to the pit.
    “Don't eat this!” Melody called to the man. “Use it to get out of the pit. Then you can eat all the junk by the door.”
    They slid the ladder into the pit. The man managed to control his hunger long enough to lean the ladder against the side and scramble up and out. Then he ran for the pile of junk and began eating. He just stuffed objects into his mouth and chewed them up so rapidly that fragments flew out. It was amazing. Before long the whole pile was gone, and the doorway was clear.
    “He ate the litter,” Harmony remarked.
    “He's litter-ate,” Rhythm said, completing the pun.
    Then the literate man went back to eat the ladder, and the three little princesses walked into the castle.
    Inside they came to a river. They paused, surprised; usually rivers were outside of castles rather than inside. They walked beside it, until they came to an irritable looking child about as old as the three of them put together. “Go away,” he said.
    But by this time the princesses did not much feel like being stupidly balked. “Who says?” Melody asked.
    “I say,” the boy said.
    “You and who else?” Harmony asked.
    “Me and my tangle tree.” The boy gestured, and they saw a tangle tree growing right by the path they had to follow to get the rest of the way into the castle. It was beside the water, growing from the river bank. “That's my talent: controlling tangle trees.”
    It was the third Challenge. What were they to do?
    They tried reasoning with the boy, but he was completely unreasonable, as boys tended to be. He was not about to let them pass, no way, not at all. They tried to approach the tree, but its green tentacles twitched menacingly. They tried to pacify it with magic, just in case, but had no success. They had to figure out the correct way.
    “This has all been puns so far,” Melody said.
    “That's because Xanth is mostly made of puns,” Harmony said.
    “So maybe this is another pun,” Rhythm concluded.
    Melody