Squirrel Cage by Cindi Jones Read Free Book Online

others,” she said softly.
    “Andrea, you and I have many things in common. All my life, I’ve felt I was a horrible sinner for my feelings. I went on a mission. I’ve taught Sunday school for years. I’ve been the choir director and taught the boy scouts. I spent many nights after work at the church farm tending to the vineyards alone. I too have sought counsel from my church leaders. Each time they tell me that what I need to do is to attend my meetings, go to the temple often, pray, and study the scriptures. I continued to do these things. I tried my very best but reached a point where I could continue no more. That’s when my deep secret was discovered and that is when I attempted to end my life. Does this all sound familiar?” I asked.
    Andrea st ared at me and inhaled deeply. “Yes,” she stated, clearly with he r mind wandering in the ether. Then she focused her attention squarely at me. “Oh my gosh, I’m just like you!” she exclaimed in horror.
    “No, you are not just like me Andrea,” I explained.
    “But we do share some common issues don’t we?” I asked. I could see the thoughts tur ning her little Squirrel cage.
    “I just don’t know Cindi, I just don’t know,” she sta ted more calmly.
    “Andrea, our church leaders are trying their best. But they are unprepared to handle difficult problems. We really can’t expect them to be able to give us everything we need to be happy. They just don’t have all the answers. I know that this is contrary to everything you h ave ever been taught,” I said.
    “I know. I haven’t be en able to admit it,” she said. “My problems are so trivial to what you have but they are so hard to me that I just can’t face them,” she added.
    “Cindi, I’m trying very hard but I just can’t accept your problem. I’m very confused about it all because to me, you are Cindi but I can’t forget what you used to be … I mean what you are . It all is so unnatural,”
    “You know what Andrea? It has taken my whole life to accept it myself and I believe that finally I have fully accepted it. Right here, this very week. I know with a certainty that this is what I must do,” I explained.
    “You mean you haven’t known until now?” she asked. “Well I’ve always known but was afraid to admit it. Now I know that I am no longer afraid. And Andrea, I want to thank you for being here during this turning point in my life,” I said.
    “Oh no, did I help you decide to do this terrible thing?” she asked.
    “No Andrea, you can only be held responsible for being kind to me when I needed it most. And for that I want to let you know how grateful I am,” I said.
    “Oh, I don’t know what to think of all this,” she said.
    “Andrea, you don’t have to worry about me and my problems. Why don’t you focus on yourself for a while?” I asked.
    “Okay, I suppose you are right. I should be worried about me. Oh my gosh, that's it. I want to worry about ME, I have to worry about ME. Oh Cindi, thank you, thank you,” She cried as she ran off to her room.
    “What in the world just happened?” I thought to myself. I could make no sense of it. What did I just do to that poor girl? I hope that I didn’t do anything wrong. I knew that I had to talk to her about this because I was totally lost.
    Jim looked very uncomfortable as we sat down in the next group session. He kept moving in his seat and clearly was not at ease. The moderator sensed his uneasiness and asked him to start the session.
    “I don’t wanna start the session.” Jim said.
    “Now Jim, you’ll have your turn no matter what, so why don’t you just start for us?” asked the moderator.
    “Okay,” he grumbled, “I quit smoking. I haven’t had a smoke since dinner yesterday”.
    Jane looked at him and exclaimed “Jim! I am so proud of you! I know that it’s tough but I know you can do it.” The moderator continued, “Okay, let’s let Jim tell us what he has to say.”
    “Well as I was smoking