The Dead Fathers Club by Matt Haig Read Free Book Online Page A

Imagination. In fact its a poem so its both.
    I said So when I am old and dead and Im in History will I be right?
    She said Philip you miss your dad very much. Do you want to talk a bit about that?
    I said No.
    She said Do you want to talk about your dad? About what he was like?
    I said He did funny voices.
    Her eyebrows went together like thin caterpillars that wanted to kiss but couldnt and she said Funny voices?
    I said Yes. When he bought me a new fish hed do me the voice how the fish speaks like he always gave the Guppies posh voices and the Mollies sounded like this
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    And I did her the voice of the Mollies and she nearly laughed.
    And I told her But his ghost isnt funny hes just sad and angry.
    I didnt want to tell her about the Dead Fathers Club or the Terrors. She didnt believe in ghosts so she wasnt going to believe in the Dead Fathers Club or the Terrors. And I wasnt going to tell her about what Dads Ghost said about Uncle Alan because I didnt know if he had lied about that as well and if he hadnt lied she might tell Mum and make Uncle Alan more dangerous.
    Mrs Fell said Does your mum know all this?
    I said No.
    Mrs Fell said What do you think she would think?
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    think
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    I said That Im stupid.
    Mrs Fell said So why did you tell me?
    I looked at her arm. It had freckles on it and soft little hairs and I wanted to touch her skin but I didnt.
    I said I dont know.
    Mrs Fell said You said your dads ghost was angry. What do you think he was angry about?
    I thought this was a weird question because Mrs Fell didnt believe in my dads ghost so why did she care about what he was angry about but I didnt tell her the truth I just said I dont know.
    Then Mrs Fell asked another weird question which was When did you last see your fathers ghost?
    And I said I havent seen him since Hadrians Wall.
    She smiled like I had given her the Right Answer.

Angelfish
    All fish are the same and no fish are better than other fish really but if there is a best fish it is the Angelfish. The Angelfish I have is six inches big and it has blue and yellow stripes on its body which is round and flat. The proper name for the Angelfish is in my book on tropical fish and it is Holocanthus ciliaris which is Latin like the Romans spoke but the name I call her is Gertie which is short for GERTRUDE which is a funny name.
    Angelfish are hard fish to have because they are fussy and have to have water between 80 and 82 degrees FAHRENHEIT for them to stay alive or they melt or freeze. I only have one Angelfish which is bad because Angelfish are better in twos because they have a mate and stay with them for life.
    The Angelfish I have is from the
    AMAZON RIVER BASIN
in South America which has very warm water like in my tank.
    Angelfish come from a family called Chaetodontidae. I dont think fish know they have such long names.
    The best thing about Angelfish is that even when they are big they can disappear because they are so flat that when they face you you cant see them even though they are right in front of you.

The Men Who Smashed the Pub
    The noise came into my dream.
    In my dream I was playing Football on a hill and I was playing against the whole Football team and I was really good like when I was in Primary School but the pitch was becoming steeper like a hill and every time I kicked the ball it went back into my goal or for a corner and I was losing 20 nil. Dad was referee and I tried to tell him about the pitch being a hill getting steeper but he said Bad footballers blame the pitch Philip. Bad footballers blame the pitch.
    And then I heard the school bell in my dream but it wasnt really a school bell and the pitch went very steep like a trap door opening and I fell and landed in bed.
    It was still dark and my alarm clock said 04:27 and I heard the noise again. It was downstairs. It was a smash and tinkle noise like someone breaking glass.
    I got up and out of bed and out of my room in the dark.
    I went downstairs on the bit of