The Decadent Cookbook by Jerome Fletcher Alex Martin Medlar Lucan Durian Gray Read Free Book Online

beings look utterly ridiculous with their tongues sticking out. Leo should ban people doing it in all papal states. As a matter of fact, I had entirely forgotten about Leo: he was slumped in his chair, spellbound by the goings on. His eyes bulged and watered.
    There was a young woman buried under that grotesque hillock of cream; furthermore, it quickly became obvious, as first a thigh was exposed, then a foot, a wetly glistening pink nipple, and finally a hairy pubic mound, that she was a very naked young woman. The cacophony of screaming and guffawing rapidly swelled in volume as people began to applaud. And still the tongues were at work, probing and wiggling and scraping lasciviously, lingeringly, across the smooth, pale flesh. Two men - one of them rather young for this sort of thing in my opinion - were licking at the same breast, contending for the stiff little nipple, occasionally looking into each other’s eyes in a sly, knowing manner as they did so. Much to my surprise however, it was a lady (I use the term cautiously) whose face was buried deep between the shuddering thighs, sucking, slurping shamelessly, her long tongue darting rapidly in and out of the private opening hidden beneath the bush of black hair. I can well imagine what sort of cream she hoped to find down there . The young woman stretched herself out in the dish, still half-covered with rapidly liquifying slop; she writhed and groaned and fluttered her eyelids in a sexual ecstasy. The colloidal sludge oozed and squelched beneath her buttocks. Then she uttered a low moan:
    “Ah … ah!”
    The last two things I noticed were that the young man sharing a breast with a fellow diner had drawn out his quivering penis and was rubbing it surreptitiously up against a leg of the table, while the female devotee at the other end had pushed a cherry up into the hairy labial glory-hole which was so occupying her attention - presumably for the pleasure of sucking it out again.
    “Your Holiness,” I said to Leo, “it is time for us to take our leave.”
    “Yes, you are right, Peppe. Yes, yes.”

    David Madsen, Memoirs of a Gnostic Dwarf.
    Dedalus 1995.

    David Madsen is also the author of The Confessions of a Flesheater Cookbook and A Box of Dreams .

C HAPTER 3

T HE E DIBLE G ALLEON

    A meal was hardly a meal in Renaissance Italy, it seems, without a few dozen marzipan goddesses to decorate the table. They brought a note of grace and refinement to the occasion, transforming it from an exercise in stomach-filling to an elevating cultural event.
    Decadent cooks go one step further, and make sculptures of the food itself. If life is to be spent in the pursuit of the extravagant, the extreme, the grotesque, the bizarre, then one’s diet should reflect the fact. Life, meals, everything must be as artificial as possible - in fact works of art. So why not begin by eating a few statues?
    The golden age of food sculpture lasted from about 1500 to the First World War, but there were pioneers before then and it’s not entirely forgotten even now. Scraps of the old magnificence survive in the oddest places…

    The bakeries of King Stanislas gave birth to the most ingenious fantasies. One day four servants placed on the royal table a huge pie in the shape of a citadel. Suddenly, the lid rose and out of the pie jumped Bébé, the King’s dwarf, dressed as a warrior, with a helmet on his head and a pistol in his hand, which he fired, terrifying the ladies.
    (M AUGRAS, L A C OUR DE L UNÉVILLE AU XVIII ME SIÈCLE )

    In the last century the Intendant of Gascony gave a magnificent banquet on the birth of the Duke of Burgundy. The centrepiece was covered with wax figures moved by clockwork, which at the conclusion of the feast were set in motion, and gave a representation of the labour of the Dauphiness and the happy birth of an heir to the monarchy.
    (E S D ALLAS, K ETTNER’S B OOK OF THE T ABLE, 1877 )

    Most extravagant of all is a galley. Its hull is made of forcemeat