The Drowning Tree by Carol Goodman Read Free Book Online

sigh and look up the tracks to see if the train is coming. “Bea’s been dying for me to go kayaking with her so Kyle’s given me a few lessons …”
    “Lessons, hm …”
    “And we’ve had a few glasses of wine afterward … he’s really an interesting guy. He’s been everywhere, reads a lot, knows everything about computers and the stock market …”
    “Juno,” Christine reaches forward and brushes back a strand of my hair that’s come loose from the ponytail I wrangled it into before her lecture and tucks it behind my ear.
Pre-Raphaelite hair
, Christine always too-generously called my unruly masses of dark red curls. “You don’t have to be a snob on my account. The man doesn’t have to have a PhD or wear a business suit to be a great guy. It seems to me you’ve spent altogether too much time alone since Neil. You deserve someone wonderful.”
    “Nothing’s happened yet. I mean with Bea around, I just didn’t think it was appropriate.”
    “Come on, you’ve been a single mother for … what?… thirteen years? I know you date. What about that curator from the Frick?”
    “I used to see him on weekends when Bea stayed with my dad, but he got a better job offer in Chicago and wanted me to move.”
    “And?”
    “Well, I couldn’t very well leave the glass business when I’ve spent all this time building it up and uproot Bea from her school … besides, I just didn’t feel
that
much for him. Not enough to disrupt our lives.”
    “Have you felt that much for anyone since Neil?”
    It’s the second time she’s brought up Neil tonight and I have to quell the desire to tell her to mind her own business. But if anyone has a right to ask me about Neil, it’s Christine. When things fell apart—
when Neil fell apart
—it was Christine who stayed with me day and night until I was able to get out of bed and start taking care of Bea again. It was Christine who convinced me to move back in with my father, revive the glass business, and go to community college at night to get a business degree.
    I shake my head. “No. To tell you the truth I’m not sure I ever want to feel that much for anyone again. You remember what I was like when I fell in love with Neil—it was like the rest of the world turned gray and he was the only part in color—like one of those windows that’s all in grisaille except for the central figure. Sometimes I wonder now if that weird glow Neil gave off wasn’t his madness.”
    “But what if Neil was well again, do you think …” I miss Christine’s next few words in the blast of the whistle from the approaching train. When the noise subsides her head is bent and she’s rummaging inside her bag and again I miss something she says because she’s talking into the bag instead of to me. It sounds like she’s saying something about the dogs.
    “What about the dogs?” I ask as she straightens up. She’s got her hand on a file folder, as if she’s going to take it out, but then she seems to change her mind and slides it back into the satchel.
    “No, I meant Dante’s Paolo and Francesca,” she says, “I was thinking of another line from
The Inferno
. Something Francesca says to Dante, ‘Love, which absolves no one beloved from loving …’ Do you think that’s true? That if you love someone enough they’ll have no choice but to return your love?” Christine has turned to face me in the open door of the train and I almost laugh at the absurdity of it—what a question to ask on the threshold of a departing train!—but when I see how serious she looks I don’t laugh. I think for just a moment about how much I loved Neil, and how I hoped and believed that as long as I loved him that much everything would turn out all right. That my love would save him from going crazy. What can I say? The only truthful answer I have isn’t the one she wants to hear.
    “I’ll have to get back to you on that,” I tell her.
    She smiles but I can see she’s disappointed.