The Exchange by Carrie Williams Read Free Book Online

they’re going to get an easy, dirty shag – and often they probably do. But not with me. I got my pleasure, while denying him what he really wanted. He’d had to make do with a sad wank against a toilet wall.
    I sat down unobtrusively, not exactly avoiding the others’ gazes but hoping they’d continue their thread of conversation while I regained my composure. It worked, and for a moment or two I was just able to breathe and let it all wash over me. Part of me was unsettled – like I said, I was always getting into scrapes, yet when I’d accepted this dinner invitation, I certainly hadn’t expected to have a fellow guest – possibly the partner of another guest – go down on me in the loo. But I was exhilarated too. I’ve always got off on the seedy and the illicit.
    Morgan finally took his place back at the table, and though I thought I saw questioning glances exchanged between him and Kyle, and then him and Tatiana, nothing was said.
    We ate our dessert and moved onto Kyle’s big cream sofas for coffee. I was keeping my head down even more now, afraid not only of Tatiana but of Kyle. Whether he was attracted to me or not, it was certainly not the done thing to fuck another dinner guest in the middle of the party. I was certain he wouldn’t want to know me any more.
    Then it was time to say our goodbyes. Tatiana and Morgan got up as one, and I was overcome with curiosity as to the nature of their relationship.
    ‘Do you guys have far to go?’ I said. ‘Where do you live?’
    ‘Not so far,’ said Morgan, and for the first since since I’d orgasmed with his tongue inside me, our eyes met. I felt a little dizzy, not out of lust for him but at the pressure, I suppose, that had built up over the course of the evening.
    ‘We have a house in Belsize Park,’ added Tatiana, her eyes lingering on mine. I may have been paranoid, but there seemed to be something knowing, something
mocking
, in them.
    As they waited for their taxi to arrive, we gathered in the doorway for the obligatory air-kissing.
    ‘By the way,’ said Tatiana, turning back to me as their car drew up along the pavement, ‘do you have a card? As we’re in the same line of work …’
    I shook my head.
    ‘Here,’ said Kyle, handing me a piece of paper and a pen. ‘Write it down. It is all about contacts, you know? Tatiana might be able to introduce you to some interesting people.’
    The last thing I need right now is interesting people
, I thought to myself, but I scribbled down my mobile number and email address anyway, and handed them to Tatiana.
    ‘Great,’ she said, flashing me a smile, and suddenly it seemed that she too was interested in me. I wondered what had changed, for her, all of a sudden.
    She and Morgan descended the stone stairs down to the pavement. As the taxi driver opened the back door for them, they turned towards us to wave goodbye. As they did so, I saw Tatiana bring one of Morgan’s hands to her face, sniff at it. They exchanged a look, then, and a thrill rippled through me: Morgan’s fingers, I thought, must still bear the scent of me.
    They looked back towards us. ‘Thanks again, Kyle,’ said Tatiana, but her eyes were not on him. She was staring at me.
    ‘Lovely to meet you, Rochelle,’ she said. She waved the piece of paper with my details on.
    ‘I’ll be in touch,’ she called, and in the chill night air her laughter rang out like broken glass.
    ***
    When they’d gone, Kyle and I sat down to finish up the coffee. I knew I should go easy on the caffeine, but I was already resigned to not sleeping that night. I was just too wound up. I wondered what I was going to do when I left here. I couldn’t imagine going back to Rachel’s flat. I’d climb the walls.
    I looked at Kyle, wishing I fancied him, wishing I went for the sensible options. It had always been like this, since I was a teenager and felt the first inklings of desire. I’d only ever wanted the bad boys or girls, the dangerous ones who would