The Fat Man by Ken Harmon Read Free Book Online

hoodlums knocked him down.” Witnesses were unable to give a clear description of the attackers, but some claim to have heard the gang yell, “The Fat Man is next! The Fat Man is next!” Santa said he was “disturbed” by the incident, but did not fear for his safety. If you have any information, please contact the Kringle Town police.
    I stayed with Sherlock Stetson and Zsa Zsa for a couple of weeks, spending most of my time eating, refereeing their skirmishes, and trying to avoid being alone with Zsa Zsa. “I could make vittle Gumdrop happy,” she said one night in the kitchen. I couldn’t help but notice she was charring the bratwurst—or that Sherlock was sitting three feet away trying to grasp the idea of a yo-yo.
    “You have a husband, Zsa,” I said, trying to make a joke of it. “And I’m sure I would disappoint you.”
    “Sherlock, bah,” Zsa Zsa said. “I’d rather have a Lincoln Log. Let’s run avay from zis Misfit place, Gumdrop. Even if I am a toy, I am all voman—no assembly required, eh?”
    I left right after dinner that night.
    When I got home, I found Dingleberry pacing in front of my door, in a dither. “Where have you been?” he said. I could tell the old boy had been crying. “You said you would call! You didn’t call! I thought something bad happened to you!”
    “I’m fine, Dingleberry,” I said, motioning him in from the cold. “I spent some time over on the Misfit island. I just needed to get away. Thanks for worrying, though. What’s the news here? Has Candy Cane conquered the world yet?”
    Dingleberry’s lips disappeared and his pupils got glossy. “He told me that he was keeping an eye on me. He doesn’t know if he can trust me because ...” Dingleberry was scared to say more. I said it for him.
    “Because of me. I’m sorry you got dragged into this, Ding. What happened?”
    Dingleberry stared at the floor, ashamed to look at me. I guess he thought I would clobber him. I gave him a pat on the arm and made him look me in the eye so he would know everything was jake between us. “I don’t know what happened,” he said finally. “I went to see him about his toy reviews, and he started saying things like he had to be sure that he could trust me. He said he knew we were buddies, but that I had to put him and the mission first. Cane said if he ever felt that he couldn’t trust me, he would fire me! Why would he say that, Gumdrop? Why? I want kids to have toys, as many as they deserve! I don’t want any kids to get coal. No offense.”
    “None taken,” I said, smiling and trying to calm Dingleberry down. “Did you talk to Santa?”
    “I can’t get a minute alone with him,” Dingleberry said. “There have been threats, so Santa’s surrounded by some of Cane’s bodyguards. Plus, Santa’s either creating new toys, building prototypes or recalculating his flight plans. He’s too busy to talk to me.”
    “How’s he look?”
    Dingleberry was going to tear up again, so he turned away and didn’t say anything. He didn’t have to.
    “Tell me something, Dingleberry, be honest,” I said. “Do you think giving the naughty boys and girls toys makes them good little boys and girls? Makes everybody even?”
    “I don’t know, Gumdrop,” he said. “That’s one way to look at it.”
    “Another way to look at it is that it brings everybody down,” I said. “There’s no reward for good behavior. Anything goes. The kids who listened and did their homework are treated just the same as those who were throwing rocks at little old ladies. I don’t think that’s fair.”
    “There are a lot of things that aren’t fair,” Dingleberry said.
    “Like you getting lumped in with me,” I said.
    Dingleberry shook his head. “No, that’s different. Cane is doing that. He’s being a bully. But I can’t get fired, Gumdrop! I can’t. If I don’t get to give out toys I don’t know what I’d do.”
    Dingleberry would curl up into a ball and roll away is what he’d