The Finer Points of Sausage Dogs by Alexander McCall Smith Read Free Book Online

all the time. I still shudder when I take a cold shower.’
    ‘You still take them?’ asked von Igelfeld.
    ‘Yes,’ said the priest. ‘I must confess that I do. I suppose that it’s ritualistic. But it may also be that it invokes memories of the military academy and I suspect that there’s part of me that wants to remember that.’
    ‘You should forget,’ said von Igelfeld. ‘You should try to move on.’
    ‘Oh, I try,’ said the priest. ‘But it’s not always easy.’
    ‘But if we may return to my case,’ said von Igelfeld, hesitantly. ‘Am I truly forgiven?’
    ‘Of course,’ said the priest. ‘In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost. ✠ Forgiven entirely.’
    Von Igelfeld returned home in high spirits. He had taken to this agreeable priest and had decided that he might well return to listen to some of his sermons. They would surely be very entertaining, unlike the Lutheran dirges he recalled from his boyhood. Filled with the spirit of forgiveness, he wrote an immediate letter of apology to Dr Hubertoffel and went out into the street to post it. Then, retiring to bed, he fell into the first sound sleep that he had had since the awful article had first appeared in the
Zeitschrift
.
    Unterholzer looked at him suspiciously when he went into his office the following morning.
    ‘Good morning, Herr Unterholzer,’ von Igelfeld said brightly. ‘I have come to apologise.’
    Unterholzer gave a start. This was not what he had expected.
    ‘Yes,’ von Igelfeld continued. ‘I have done you several great wrongs.’
    ‘Several?’ stuttered Unterholzer.
    Von Igelfeld looked up at the ceiling. He had not expected it to be easy, and indeed it was not.
    ‘There was the matter of your poor sausage dog,’ he said. ‘That was most regrettable. I can only assure you that I had not intended that to happen.’
    ‘Of course not,’ said Unterholzer. ‘I never said that . . . ’
    Von Igelfeld cut him short. ‘And then I went off to Dr Hubertoffel and tried to ruin your analysis. I told him all sorts of lies.’
    Unterholzer’s jaw dropped. ‘You told him lies about me?’
    ‘Yes,’ said von Igelfeld. ‘I had intended that he should form a bad impression of you and that your analysis should come to an end.’
    For a moment Unterholzer stared mutely at von Igelfeld. Then he began to smile. ‘But that’s very convenient,’ he said. ‘I’ve been looking for a way out of all that without offending Dr Hubertoffel. Now he will be pleased if I no longer go. Frankly, I found it all an expensive waste of time. I’ve already paid him thousands, you know.’
    ‘So you’re pleased?’ asked von Igelfeld lamely.
    ‘Absolutely,’ said Unterholzer, beaming even more. ‘He kept trying to make me something I was not. I don’t like to be an assertive, gregarious person. That’s not my nature.’
    ‘You’re right,’ said von Igelfeld. ‘Well, I must say that I’m glad that I have been able to help you.’
    Unterholzer had sunk back in his chair and the smile had disappeared. ‘But I have something for which to apologise,’ he muttered. ‘I wrote a very spiteful piece about
Portuguese Irregular
Verbs
. I did it because of my sausage dog, but now I really regret it. Did you see it?’
    ‘No,’ said von Igelfeld.
Truth Always.
‘Well, perhaps I glanced at it. But it was nothing.’
    ‘I shall do all that lies in my power to correct it,’ said Unterholzer. ‘I can assure you of that.’
    ‘You are very kind, Herr Unterholzer,’ said von Igelfeld. ‘Let us now put all this behind us and get on with the important work of the moment.’
    And that is exactly what happened. The life of the Institute returned to normal. In the next issue of the
Zeitschrift
there appeared a prominent piece by Unterholzer, entitled
Further
Thoughts on von Igelfeld’s Portuguese Irregular Verbs
. It amounted to a complete recantation of the earlier piece, which was described as having been intended only to engender