The Good Soldier Svejk by Jaroslav Hašek Read Free Book Online Page A

That's a mere fleabite."
    Heavy steps could be heard in the passage, the key grated in the lock, the door opened and the police officer called Schweik.
    "Excuse me," said Schweik chivalrously, "I've only been here since twelve o'clock, but this gentleman's been here since six o'clock this morning. And I'm not in any hurry."
    There was no reply to this, but the police officer's powerful hand dragged Schweik into the corridor, and conveyed him upstairs in silence to the first floor.
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    In the second room a commissary of police was sitting at a table. He was a stout gentleman of good-natured appearance. He said to Schweik :
    "So you're Schweik, are you? And how did you get here?"
    "As easy as winking," replied Schweik. "I was brought here by a police officer because I objected to them chucking me out of the lunatic asylum without any lunch. What do they take me for, I'd like to know?"
    "I'll tell you what, Schweik," said the commissary affably. "There's no reason why we should be cross with you here. Wouldn't it be better if we sent you to the police headquarters?"
    "You're the master of the situation, as they say," said Schweik contentedly. "From here to the police headquarters'd be quite a nice little evening stroll."
    "I'm glad to find that we see eye to eye in this," said the commissary cheerfully. "You see how much better it is to talk things over, eh, Schweik?"
    "It's always a great pleasure to me to have a little confab with anyone," replied Schweik. "I'll never forget your kindness to me, your worship, I promise you."
    With a deferential bow and accompanied by the police officer he went down to the guard room, and within a quarter of an hour Schweik could have been seen in the street under the escort of an-other police officer who was carrying under his arm a fat book inscribed in German : Arrestantenbuch.
    At the corner of Spâlenâ Street Schweik and his escort met with a crowd of people who were jostling round a placard.
    "That's the Emperor's proclamation to say that war's been declared," said the policeman to Schweik.
    "I saw it coming," said Schweik, "but in the asylum they don't know anything about it yet, although they ought to have had it straight from the horse's mouth, as you might say."
    "How d'you mean?" asked the policeman.
    "Because they've got a lot of army officers locked up there," explained Schweik, and when they reached a fresh crowd jostling in front of the proclamation, Schweik shouted:
    "Long live Franz Josef ! We'll win this war."
    Somebody from the enthusiastic crowd banged his hat over
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    his ears and so, amid a regular concourse of people, the good soldier Schweik once more entered the portals of the police headquarters.
    "We're absolutely bound to win this war. Take my word for it, gentlemen," and with these few remarks Schweik took his leave of the crowd which had been accompanying him.
    And somewhere from the far distances of history there descended upon Europe the realization that the morrow can shatter the plans of to-day.
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    6.
    Schweik Home Again After Having Broken the Vicious Circle.
    Through the premises of the police headquarters was wafted the spirit of authority which had been ascertaining how far the people's enthusiasm for the war actually went. With the exception of a few persons who did not disavow the fact that they were sons of the nation which was destined to bleed on behalf of interests entirely alien to it, the police headquarters harboured a magnificent collection of bureaucratic beasts of prey, the scope of whose minds did not extend beyond the jail and the gallows with which they could protect the existence of the warped laws.
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    During this process they treated their victims with a spiteful affability, weighing each word beforehand.
    "I'm extremely sorry," said one of these beasts of prey with black and yellow stripes, when Schweik was brought before him, "that you've fallen into our hands again. We thought you'd turn over a new leaf, but we were