The Good Soldier Svejk by Jaroslav Hašek Read Free Book Online Page B

mistaken."
    Schweik mutely assented with a nod of the head and displayed so innocent a demeanour that the black-yellow beast of prey gazed dubiously at him and said with emphasis :
    "Take that idiotic expression off your face."
    But he immediately switched over to a courteous tone and continued :
    "You may be quite certain that we very much dislike keeping you in custody and I can assure you that in my opinion your guilt is not so very great, because in view of your weak intellect there can be no doubt that you have been led astray. Tell me, Mr. Schweik, who was it induced you to indulge in such silly tricks?"
    Schweik coughed and said :
    "Begging your pardon, sir, but I don't know what silly tricks you mean."
    "Well, now, Mr. Schweik," he said in an artificially paternal tone, "isn't it a foolish trick to cause a crowd to collect, as the police officer who brought you here says you did, in front of the royal proclamation of war posted up at the street corner, and to incite the crowd by shouting : 'Long live Franz Josef. We'll win this war !' "
    "I couldn't stand by and do nothing," declared Schweik, fixing his guileless eyes upon his inquisitor's face. "It fairly riled me to see them all reading the royal proclamation and not showing any signs that they was pleased about it. Nobody shouted hooray or called for three cheers—nothing at all, your worship. Anyone'd think it didn't concern them a bit. So, being an old soldier of the 91st, I couldn't stand it and that's why I shouted those remarks and I think that if you'd been in my place, you'd have done just the same as me. If there's a war, it's got to be won, and there's got to be three cheers for the Emperor. Nobody's going to talk me out of that."
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    Quelled and contrite the black-yellow beast of prey flinched from the gaze of Schweik, the guileless lamb, and plunging his eyes into official documents, he said :
    "I thoroughly appreciate your enthusiasm, but I only wish it had been exhibited under other circumstances. You yourself know full well that you were brought here by a police officer, because a patriotic demonstration of such a kind might, and indeed, inevitably would be interpreted by the public as being ironical rather than serious."
    "When a man is being run in by a police officer," replied Schweik, "it's a critical moment in his life. But if a man even at such a moment don't forget the right thing to do when there's a war on, well, it strikes me that a man like that can't be a bad sort after all."
    The black-yellow beast of prey growled and had another look at Schweik.
    Schweik met his eye with the innocent, gentle, modest and tender warmth of his gaze.
    For a while they looked fixedly at each other.
    "Go to blazes, Schweik," said the jack-in-office at last, "and if you get brought here again, I'll make no bones about it, but off you'll go before a court-martial. Is that clear?" ,
    But before he realized what was happening, Schweik had come up to him, had kissed his hand and said :
    "God bless you for everything you've done. If you'd like a thoroughbred dog at any time, just you come to me. I'm a dog fancier."
    And so Schweik found himself again at liberty and on his way home.
    He considered whether he ought not first of all to look in at The Flagon, and so it came about that he opened the door through which he had passed a short while ago in the company of Detective Bretschneider.
    There was a deathlike stillness in the bar. A few customers were sitting there, among them the verger from St. Apolinnaire's. They looked gloomy. Behind the bar sat the landlady, Mrs. Palivec, and stared dully at the beer handles.
    "Well, here I am back again," said Schweik gaily, "let's have
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    a glass of beer. Where's Mr. Palivec? Is he home again too?"
    Instead of replying, Mrs. Palivec burst into tears, and, concentrating her unhappiness in a special emphasis which she gave to each word, she moaned :
    "They—gave—him—ten—years—a—week—ago."
    "Fancy that, now,"