The Great Powers Outage by William Boniface Read Free Book Online

they are to get?”
    â€œI know. But the Great Garbanzo is a jerk,” I said. “Even worse. He’s a joik !”
    That got a small laugh out of my dad.
    â€œSomething will come along,” I continued. “Besides, it’s not like you’d be any better off if you’d remained at Dr. Telomere’s. They’re out of business entirely.”
    â€œI never thought I’d see the day.” My father sighed as he shook his head.
    â€œHow long has the company been around?” I asked.
    â€œForever.” He shrugged. “Or at least for as long as I can remember. Dr. Telomere’s chips have just always been there.”
    â€œUntil now,” I concluded his thought. “But who owns the company, anyway? Is there really a Dr. Telomere?”
    â€œOh, no.” My dad laughed—this time a little more genuinely. “Dr. Telomere is just a marketing character. Look at the bag.”
    I pulled out one of the bags of Dr. Telomere’s X-tra Crispy Chips that I had managed to buy. Framed in a circle, within the overall brand logo, was a smiling potato chip wearing pince-nez glasses, a bow tie, and a derby. He was winking as if he were sharing a secret with me.
    â€œThat’s Dr. Telomere.” My father chuckled. “Does he look like he could be a real person?”
    LI’L HERO’S HANDBOOK
    THINGS

    DR. TELOMERE
    Despite his fragile nature, Dr. Telomere is one potato chip that has long avoided being crushed or consumed. Earlier, more realistic versions of the popular advertising icon have steadily changed over the decades into the simple cartoon figure everyone is familiar with today. Despite once being able to sing and dance, the character has been mute now for some time, making it impossible to glean any of the secrets he may possess.
    Considering that Dad had just been fired by a guy who looked like a giant chickpea, I wasn’t certain that the answer to that question was so obvious.
    â€œWho owns the business, then?” I prodded.
    â€œThe Telomere Trust,” my dad said as we continued to walk. “It’s a fund that uses the profits from the business to pay for things for the community.”
    â€œLike Telomere Park,” I said.
    â€œExactly. The Telomere Trust has done all sorts of good things for the people of Superopolis.”
    â€œI’m sure the Amazing Indestructo is going to be equally generous with his profits,” I suggested sarcastically.
    â€œHe’s going to make a fortune,” my father agreed with a sigh. “How could he not with such a phenomenal product.”
    I cringed as Dad retrieved one of the cans of Pseudo-Chips we had also bought, popped off the lid, and started eating them. How was I going to break him free from the Red Menace’s hold? As we arrived home, I remembered that he wasn’t the only one I was going to have to rescue. My mom was in the driveway with her own grocery bags full of PseudoChips.
    â€œThermo! OB!” she shouted. “You’re just in time to help me unload the rest of my groceries. I found a roadside stand on my way home that was selling PseudoChips. I figured we could use some more.”
    There had to be another hundred cans of chips in the car. With a shrug of resignation, I grabbed a few bags and helped my parents haul them into the house. Dad had put on a big phony smile and I realized that he wasn’t ready yet to tell Mom what had just happened to his endorsement deal. I gave him a wink to let him know that she wouldn’t hear it from me.
    â€œHow was work, Mom?” I asked.
    â€œOh, the usual,” was all she said.
    I’ve never understood exactly what my mom does at the Corpsicle Coolant Corporation. Whenever I ask, she always just says something about frozen vegetables, which usually is enough to end the conversation.

    As I set the bags of chips down on our kitchen counter, I actually hoped we would be having some frozen