The Hacker and the Ants by Rudy Rucker Read Free Book Online Page B

mentioned drugs on the phone.
    â€œNo, no, it was horrible. I was walking across the room away from my machine and then something tugged at the side of my head and it was the cable to my goggles. I thought I’d taken them off and I was still wearing them. It was pure disorientation. The ants did it to me. I think there’s a virtual server that lets them get into my machine.”
    â€œYou have a computer virus?”
    â€œI have ants, Queue. They’re a new thing you’ve never heard of. They’re much smarter than a virus.”
    â€œYou’re so cutting edge, Jerzy. That’s what I like about you.”
    â€œSo okay, Queue, I’m coming right up for that tape. Is Keith around? What with Carol gone I’m highly available.”
    She lowered her voice. “I can’t. Keith is very jealous, and he’s the one I’ve taken on . ” Queen Queue owned her house and kept Keith as her Prince Consort. “I would never fool around unless it was for real.”
    â€œThis isn’t for real, Queue. I’m only after some human warmth.”
    â€œWe’ll only be here for another two hours.” Queue and Keith are always taking trips in their camper van. “We have to record Brian Jones drumming congas at the Hindu Center.”
    â€œBrian Jones ? Is he like an Elvis imitator?”
    Temple-bell laughter. “It’s his real name. And, Jerzy, when you come up, bring some show-and-tell. You said you have a working robot? A Veep?”
    â€œUh ... yeah. His name is Studly. But—”

    â€œStudly!” More chirp-giggle laughter. “You are such a crazed sick computer jock, Jerzy. Bring Studly and don’t be a tight-ass! Can he vacuum my floor?”
    I thought of Queue’s house with its narrow staircases and lumpily layered rugs. “Well, maybe. We’ll see.”
    â€œAll right! Bah .” Queue had her own hip, dynamic way of saying bye : a plosive, husky sound.
    I went out to the living room.
    â€œFollow me out to the car, Studly.”
    â€œYes, master.”
    He trundled after me to the car, and once I had the trunk open, Studly went and stood sideways to it. I pushed my rack of backup CDs to one side so they’d be out of Studly’s way.
    â€œOkay, Studly, get in.”
    Studly pushed both legs out to their full extension, and then quickly retracted the leg on the side toward the trunk. As he began falling toward the trunk, he snapped up his other leg, and fell sideways into the trunk, breaking his fall with his humanoid hand. He shifted himself into a comfortable position.
    â€œYou wait in there, Studly, and I’ll drive you to visit a friend. Her name is Queue.”
    â€œRight on, Jerzy.”
    I closed the trunk and got in my car with a fine sense of purpose. I’d grab a snack, go to the bank, get gas, hit the freeway, and be at Queue’s in an hour. It would be fun to see her and Keith. If it weren’t for having to buy pot every now and then, I’d never go anywhere except GoMotion and the supermarket. In today’s America, the many positive aspects of recreational drug use are too often ignored. The need to score gets the user out of his or her house and into the sunshine—out into the community and meeting people! Drugs are about networking!
    My car is an Animata Benchmark. It’s the only really
expensive thing I’ve ever owned. Driving it makes me feel good. I got it after my first year out here. Tooling slowly through the streets of my yuppie village of Los Perros, I marveled as always at the massive number of good-looking women to be seen in California. It was a brilliantly sunny April day with the air clear and cool as water—the kind of day you’d remember as “the best weather of the year” back East, a day when you could slowly windmill your arms in the sweet air and feel yourself to be swimming. Days like this come thick as pearls on the California