was surprised to see that Billy was driving with the heater on, and that his windows were rolled up. It was hot and stuffy in the truck. A shooting star streaked in front of us and then disappeared over the trees, and Billy, who was driving with both hands on the wheel, leaning forward and watching the road carefully, looked up at it but said nothing.
Deer kept trotting across the road in front of us, red-eyed in the glare of the headlightsâsome with antlers, some withoutâand Billy would turn the lights out immediately whenever he saw a herd of themâin November and December, they were beginning to bunch up and travel together, for protection, and for warmthâand I sat in my seat and gripped the high dashboard, certain that we were going to plow right through the herd.
âWhat are you doing, Billy?â I said.
He drove intently, slowly, but not slowly enough for my liking. I kept waiting to hear the thud of bodies, and to feel the joltâand then when we were past the spot where we should have struck the deer, he would turn the lights back on, and the road in front of us would be empty.
âSheriff told me to do that,â Billy would say each time it happened. âThe noise of the truck scares âem off the road. If you leave the lights on, you blind âem, and they canât decide which way to goâthatâs how you end up hittinâ âemâbut if you turn your lights off, they can think straight and know to get out of the way.â
I had never heard of such a thing and did not believe that he had, eitherâand it is something that I have never heard of sinceâbut it seemed to give him a distinct pleasure, hunched over the steering wheel and punching the lights off and gliding toward where we had last seen the herd of deer in the middle of the road. He seemed at peace, doing that, and I decided that he was not lost at all, that he just enjoyed getting out and driving at night, and so when we passed the lights of his cabin, I looked up the hill at them but said nothing.
âTake care, Billy,â I said when he let me out at my place. It was dark, and I felt that he was frightened of something.
âTake care,â he said back to me. âDo you need a light?â he said, rummaging through the toolbox on the seat beside him. âIâve got a flashlight, if you need it.â
It was only about a ten-yard walk to my cabin.
âNo, thanks, Iâll be all right. You take care now, Billy.â
âYouâre sure?â he asked.
âIâm sure.â
âTake care,â he said again. âTake good care.â
He drove in a circle in my yard, found the driveway again, and headed up the road toward his house. I stood there and watched him disappear around the bend.
I watched then as Billyâs lights came back around the bendâhe was driving back to my house in reverse; driving slowly, gears groaning.
Billy backed up in my driveway but didnât get out of his big truck, just leaned out the window. He seemed embarrassed. âCan you show me how to get home?â
***
He got all the way home in January. He was still trying to cut and load stove wood, as if trying to lay in a hundred yearsâ supply for all of his and Amyâs fires, on the day that he did not come backâa short winterâs day, as if the apogee of waning light had finally scooped him up, had claimed him.
Amy and I went into the woods with lanterns. A light snow was falling, flakes hissing when they landed on our hot lanterns. Billy was lying on his side in the snow (having shut his saw off, but with his helmet still on), looking as if he had stretched out only to take a nap.
Amy crouched and brushed the snow from his face. There were lengths of firewood scattered all around, wood he had not yet loaded in his truck, but already the snow was covering it.
We lifted him carefully into my truck. I drove, and Amy rode with his head cradled