The Housewife Assassin's Relationship Survival Guide by Josie Brown Read Free Book Online Page A

is to combine the names of two very capable actresses.”
    “It’s perfectly fair. Tell me, what were they’re last roles?”
    “All I remember is that both were squeezed into something sexy.”
     “You’ve just proven my point. You noticed nothing about these women, either above their lips or below their knees.”
    “And the most desirable feature on your sugar daddies will be their bank accounts.” Jack snickers as he clicks away furiously on the computer keyboard. Whatever  merde  he’s writing, no doubt he’s laying it on thick.
     “We all play to our strengths. Other than money and temporary security, what else do these jerks have to offer?” I put down the scissors with a sigh. They’re useless anyway. Now that I’ve chopped my favorite auburn wig to shreds, it looks worse than Anne Hathaway’s in her  Les Miserables  death scene. “Besides, this mission is quick and dirty, in and out. Prick them with truth serum, which allows Emma to record their answers. Then use the info they give me to turn them, and leave.”  
    He catches my eye in the mirror. “These guys aren’t dummies. If they get suspicious, they’ll make sure you won’t leave their little love nests alive. Their battalion of bodyguards will be right outside the bedroom door.”
    “Jack, you know I appreciate your concern. I realize I have eleven chances to screw things up. On the other hand, I have eleven opportunities to put the Quorum out of business, once and for all.”
    “It would have been easier with Carl still behind bars.”
    “Well, he isn’t, and now it’s make-up time. And besides, you and Abu will be close by.”
    He shrugs. “All I’m saying is be careful, okay?”
    I nod. “Okay, I promise. Cross my heart. Now, hit me with another question.”
    “Are you a cat person, or a dog person, and why?”
    “Put down ‘I love it doggy style.’”
    “Don’t I know it,” he murmurs. “Now, this next question is true or false: I want a relationship with no strings attached.”
    “Click true.”
    “Sure,” he says, but at the same time he winces. For us, role-playing is a way of life. 
    And of death.
    “Next, another multiple choice: I’d rather be (a) at a disco (b) at the opera (c) cheering courtside at a Lakers game, or (d) sunning myself naked on a beach.”  
    Now it’s my turn to frown. “Choose anything but the beach!”
    He laughs out loud. “I would have guessed that. Okay, now: If you were a tree, what kind would you be? The choices are (a) Redwood (b) Dogwood (c) Oak, or (d) Japanese Maple.”
    “Make me a Dogwood.”
    “Why?”
    “Because it’s small and the flowers are either pink or white. Subliminally, the message here is ‘virginal and girly.’”
    “But you’re really an Oak, right?”
    “Nah. A Redwood. I’m in it for the long run.”
    He knows exactly what I mean.
    “Okay, next up: Would you rather date (a) an artist (b) a banker (c) an entrepreneur or (d) a corporate industrialist?”
    “I guess we both know the answer to that one.” My eyes seek his out. “I only have eyes for you.”
    This earns me a knowing smile. “Last question: Where would you prefer to be kissed, and why?”
    “Seriously? They ask something that personal?” I slip behind him so that I can read over his shoulder. “They make it quite clear what this is all about, don’t they?....Wait! I don’t see that question here.”
    “My bad. It’s my question, not theirs.” He pulls me into his lap.
    Sure, I’ll play along. “Want to take a guess?”
    He chuckles. “I’m a hands-on kind of guy. How else can I gauge your true enthusiasm?”
    He’s got a point there. 
    He hits the SUBMIT button, then forwards Arnie my User ID and password. The photos can wait until our private little survey is completed.
    We’ve only tested six possible kissing locations when Arnie’s email pings Jack’s computer. We let out with a mutual groan, then disentangle ourselves in order to read it: 
    You’re live,