The Implosion of Aggie Winchester by Lara Zielin Read Free Book Online Page B

thinking that for all Neil’s jerk behavior, at least I could say there was a time when he was really cool to me. In the eight months we were together, he did lots of super-sweet things. He held my hand in public; he bought me chalupas at Taco Bell and brought them over to my house when I wasn’t feeling well; he picked me up in his Impala and we went driving for hours and hours; in the summer we’d find some abandoned dirt road and watch the sky until the clouds turned purple and bats started darting overhead. When we were together, we were together .
    Sylvia couldn’t say that about Ryan. Not even a little bit. He’d never once, since they’d hooked up last summer, acknowledged her existence publicly.
    I circled back to the Jess issue. “So could Ryan have told anyone?” I asked. “Because I still can’t figure out how J. rex knows about you.”
    Sylvia arched an eyebrow. “I doubt he said anything. But it doesn’t matter. Jess could have just seen Ms. Rhone’s expression and the note and put two and two together or—shit. I don’t know. But it doesn’t matter because eventually the whole school is going to find out. I’m going to start showing one of these days.”
    “When that happens, will you tell people it’s Ryan’s?”
    “Maybe he’ll tell them,” Sylvia said.
    I blinked. “What do you mean?”
    Sylvia looked up at the ceiling. “I know he loves me. And I’m smarter and prettier than half the people he hangs out with.” Her eyes landed back on mine. “What if he just needs time to figure out that we’re supposed to be a family?”
    I wanted to feel Sylvia’s forehead to see if she was running a fever. Or maybe it was the pregnancy hormones. Either way, what she was saying was nuts. “If he can’t see you for who you are now, why do you think he’ll see you differently in the future?”
    “Because I know he cares about me. And I know he cares about this kid.”
    “What if he doesn’t, though? What if he finishes high school and leaves you guys here while he runs off to college?”
    Sylvia’s eyes were blazing. “That’s not going to happen.”
    I wanted to smack her. “Even though that’s what he said he wanted to do, you think, what, that he’s just bluffing or something?”
    Sylvia blinked rapidly. “He—he didn’t say it like that. He just—he doesn’t know how he feels yet. I know he loves me. He does.”
    Her voice was tightening. I could hear the strain. “Okay, okay. If you say so.” Sylvia was still blinking, and I needed to calm her down. I had no idea what my plans were after high school, but right then I knew I needed to make them sound like they involved Sylvia. “Look, no matter what happens, you’re going to be fine. Your mom and I are here for you. Whatever happens, just know that, okay?”
    Sylvia took a deep breath. I thought she was centering herself until she spoke again. “I took the wrestling letter. I swiped it from his room.”
    “What? Why?”
    “I don’t know. Out of sight, out of mind or something like that. I figured maybe if he wasn’t always thinking of leaving, he’d start thinking about staying.”
    Oh my God. This was beginning to sound like a soap opera. “They’ll just send him another one, you know. Or, if he doesn’t have the letter, he’ll still have his coaches. You get that this won’t change anything, right?”
    Sylvia shrugged. “Maybe. Maybe not.”
    Something about Sylvia stealing Ryan’s letter felt desperate and pathetic—not to mention underhanded.
    “So, somehow, you think in the next few months you can talk him into sticking around St. Davis? You think he can be dad of the year with you and this kid?”
    She stood up. “What do you know about it? You’re not the one who’s pregnant.”
    “I’m also not the one making ridiculous plans to—”
    Sylvia cut me off. “You want a ride home or not? Because if you keep talking, you’re walking.” She started toward the door.
    I was too stunned to say