The Jeeves Omnibus - Vol 3 by P. G. Wodehouse Read Free Book Online Page B

ask?’
    ‘You were groaning like a foghorn.’
    ‘Oh, that. Touch of neuralgia.’
    ‘You’ve got a headache?’
    ‘Yes, it’s been coming on for some time. I’ve had rather an exhausting afternoon.’
    ‘Why, aren’t the crops rotating properly? Or are the pigs going in for smaller families?’
    ‘My chief problem today,’ said Bill dully, ‘concerned horses.’
    A quick look of suspicion came into Jill’s gaze. Like all nice girls, she had, where the man she loved was concerned, something of the Private Eye about her.
    ‘Have you been betting again?’
    Bill stared.
    ‘
Me?
’
    ‘You gave me your solemn promise you wouldn’t. Oh, Bill, you are an idiot. You’re more trouble to look after than a troupe of performing seals. Can’t you see it’s just throwing money away? Can’t you get it into your fat head that the punters haven’t a hope against the bookmakers? I know people are always talking about bringing off fantastic doubles and winning thousands of pounds with a single fiver, but that sort of thing never really happens. What did you say?’
    Bill had not spoken. The sound that had proceeded from his twisted lips had been merely a soft moan like that of an emotional red Indian at the stake.
    ‘It happens sometimes,’ he said hollowly. ‘I’ve heard of cases.’
    ‘Well, it couldn’t happen to you. Horses just aren’t lucky for you.’
    Bill writhed. The illusion that he was being roasted over a slow fire had become extraordinarily vivid.
    ‘Yes,’ he said, ‘I see that now.’
    Jill’s gaze became more direct and penetrating than ever.
    ‘Come clean, Bill. Did you back a loser in the Oaks?’
    This was so diametrically opposite to what had actually occurred that Bill perked up a little.
    ‘Of course I didn’t.’
    ‘You swear?’
    ‘I may begin to at any moment.’
    ‘You didn’t back anything in the Oaks?’
    ‘Certainly not.’
    ‘Then what’s the matter?’
    ‘I told you. I’ve got a headache.’
    ‘Poor old thing. Can I get you anything?’
    ‘No, thanks. Jeeves is bringing me a whisky and soda.’
    ‘Would a kiss help, while you’re waiting?’
    ‘It would save a human life.’
    Jill kissed him, but absently. She appeared to be thinking.
    ‘Jeeves was with you today, wasn’t he?’ she said.
    ‘Yes. Yes, Jeeves was along.’
    ‘You always take him with you on these expeditions of yours.’
    ‘Yes.’
    ‘Where do you go?’
    ‘We make the rounds.’
    ‘Doing what?’
    ‘Oh, this and that.’
    ‘I see. How’s the headache?’
    ‘A little better, thanks.’
    ‘Good.’
    There was silence for a moment.
    ‘I used to have headaches a few years ago,’ said Jill.
    ‘Bad?’
    ‘Quite bad. I suffered agonies.’
    ‘They do touch you up, don’t they?’
    ‘They do. But,’ proceeded Jill, her voice rising and a hard note creeping into her voice, ‘my headaches, painful as they were, never made me look like an escaped convict lurking in a bush listening to the baying of the bloodhounds and wondering every minute when the hand of doom was going to fall on the seat of his pants. And that’s how you are looking now. There’s guilt written on your every feature. If you were to tell me at this moment that you had done a murder and were worrying because you had suddenly remembered you hadn’t hidden the body properly, I would say “I thought as much”. Bill, for the last time, what’s the matter?’
    ‘Nothing’s the matter.’
    ‘Don’t tell me.’
    ‘I am telling you.’
    ‘There’s nothing on your mind?’
    ‘Not a thing.’
    ‘You’re as gay and carefree as a lark singing in the summer sky?’
    ‘If anything, rather more so.’
    There was another silence. Jill was biting her lip, and Bill wished she wouldn’t. There is, of course, nothing actually low and degrading in a girl biting her lip, but it is a spectacle that a
fiancé
with a good deal on his mind can never really enjoy.
    ‘Bill, tell me,’ said Jill. ‘How do you feel about