The Legend of the Ditto Twins by Jerry Douglas Read Free Book Online

which was
fine by us, since Shower Time proved to be even more fun than Bath Time and
scrubbing Man Dicks was a lot more fun than scrubbing Little Fellas. And the
nights in our bed were even better. I guess that's the way it goes when you
discover a whole new world between your legs.
    I'm sure Dad never noticed a
thing. Most of the time, he seemed to be in another place, burying himself in
his work and, well, avoiding us. He never came upstairs and, oh yeah, he
started smoking again. Sometimes, we'd hear him arguing on the phone with Mom
about when she was coming home, but she kept saying that Uncle Clay still
needed her. Once in awhile, we even missed her, too.
    Another summer passed, another
Christmas, another birthday, and I must confess I don't remember much about
what happened in the year and a half Mom was gone. So I can't write about it.
Mostly, my brother and I spent every waking hour thinking up new ways to turn
each other on. We even started coming to supper barefoot, so we could sit
opposite each other with our toes teasing each other's crotch under the table.
Once, fully clothed, we even managed to bring ourselves to orgasm during
dessert.
    Things were just about
perfect—until the end of May, just before our fifteenth summer. That's when two
major calamities occurred on the same day: Mom called to say that since Uncle
Clay was finally out of danger, she was coming home. And we ran out of
Vaseline.
     

     
    Back in
our childhood, whenever Mom chose to sit in Dads chair at the head of the table, we
always knew we were in trouble. And that's exactly where she was sitting when we came down to breakfast the morn ing after her return.
She'd made French Toast, too.
    "What
did we do now?" I asked.
    "Nothing
at all... as far as I know," she replied with a fixed smile. "In
fact, I'll bet you're gonna be thrilled with my news. There's money to be
made."
    "Money?"
repeated Clark as if he'd heard her wrong.
    "Money,"
she repeated. "Your Uncle Clay and I had a long talk. Of course, he's
practically up to speed finally, but he still has to take it easy. He's
neglected the auto parts shop for so long; it's a shambles, let me tell you. He
needs someone to help out his summer"
    I gasped.
"You mean...?"
    Mom
interrupted me even before Clark could. "What he said was... he'd pay a
man's wages to a man he could trust. An assistant. It's the perfect summer job,
don't you think?"
    Clark and
I looked at each other in disbelief. He smiled cautiously; I let out a raucous
whoop. "We'll take it!"
    There was
a long, ominous stretch of silence before Mom shook her head. "Didn't you
hear me? A man. One man. Not two. Now which one of you wants to go?"
    "But
why can't..."
    “...we
both go?"
    "He
can only afford one salary."
    "That's
okay. We'll split it. We..."
    “...share
everything anyway."
    "No!"
Mom's single syllable was like a gunshot.
    "Why
not?" we demanded in unison.
    "Because
he's only got one small spare room."
    "That's
okay. We..."
    “...could share it, same as..."
I stopped short.
    Mom fired again. "No!"
    Before I could recover, Clark
counter-attacked. "Is that what this is all about?"
    "Separating us? Why,
that's..."
    “...that's bribery!" Clark took
his toes out of my crotch and leaned toward her. "Mom, do you really think
that if neither one of us would move twenty feet down the hall into Grandma's
old room..."
    “...that either one of us would be
willing to move hundreds of miles away, even for money? No!"
    "'No?'" She stood.
"I'm the one who gets to say no. Not you. I'm the Mother. And I say, 'No!'
No, no, no!"
    Clark stormed right over to the back
door. "C'mon, Mark! We're out of here."
    Mom spun around. "'Out of
here'?"
    I bolted to my brother's side.
"You heard him. Split. Run away."
    "Run away? What're you gonna
do—join the circus?" She sniffed. "Well, let me tell you: Life is no
circus."
    Clark put his arm around me.
"C'mon. She's crazy."
    "You two walk out that door and
I'll call the police. You're only