my wedding ring and rehashing every second of my time with him, hoping to find a reason to beat myself up. But my thoughts only make me giggly and tingly. I wonder what’s going through his mind right now. I want to think he’s overwhelmed with heartache about my so-called engagement, but I bet I’m already a thing of the past to him. He’s probably laughing with his friends about how he got an older chick to talk dirty to him on the phone. It all seemed so special when it was happening, but right now I feel like such a fool. He’s twenty-two, for Christ sake and I’m sure he’s already got a couple of girls lined up to hang out with this week. That’s what twenty-two-year-old guys do right? He seemed different, but I bet he’s not.
I leave work early to meet my best friends for one of our monthly girls’ night out thingies. We gotta wrap it up earlier than usual because Nicole’s working the nightshift and has to be at the hospital by eight. It’s a bummer for me because I’d rather arrive home long after Kurt falls asleep. You know… postpone the inevitable lies about what I did while he was away. I’m last to arrive at the restaurant because, as usual, I take extra time touching up my makeup in my car.
“Well don’t you look pretty, Miss Chrissy!”
“Thanks Court! You look…shit, you look really tired !”
“Get off my back. I came straight from working the last sixteen hours. You’re lucky I even made it.”
“Right, like you’d rather be home with your screaming baby instead! I know you’re hoping Guss puts him to bed before you get home, don’t even try to deny it!”
Courtney swings her glass up at me in a silent toast of agreement and takes a swig of her wine.
Shaking her repugnant head, Kelly says, “That’s terrible! I feel bad for even being here. My kid was crying ‘Mommy, Mommy, Mommy’ as I was walking out the door. Craig had this little sourpuss look on his face. Poor guy is hopeless without me.”
We all look at Kelly like we want to vomit, but of course, I’m the only one who speaks up. “Well, good for you and your friggin’ hallmark card family life, Kelly.”
“Shut up and order guys! I gotta be at work in two hours. We can talk about how perfect Kelly’s life is over appetizers, how chaotic my life and Courtney’s life are over dinner, and we’ll talk about how easy Chrissy’s life is over dessert.”
“ Easy ? And why do I get dessert? It’s the shortest course!”
“Oh puleeez, my charmed girlfriend! You make more money than me and Courtney with NO student loans to pay back. You get to travel to really cool places like New York, Hong Kong, and Yap.” Looking at Court and Kel, “And for the record, I still don’t think Yap exists.” Then, back at me. “You go to fashion shows…boss people around…and get tons of free clothes! You have an awesome house in Danville that gets cleaned once a week by a housekeeper, and you don’t even have kids ! Seriously, how messy can it be? And don’t even get me started on that husband of yours. Are you fucking kidding me that you get to go to bed with that man whenever you want? Damn right, you get the shortest course!”
They’re lovingly laughing at me and I’m doing my best “don’t you wish you were me” dance in my seat. Inside, I’m horrified. I’ve been questioning my career since the day it started, and since Leo, I wonder if I’m even in the right relationship. The two things that define me are the two things I’m not sure I want anymore. Without them who am I?
The conversation soon moves past my so-called perfect life and onto topics that are more important, like the guy who had a coke bottle stuck up his ass on Nicole’s shift a few nights ago to Courtney’s urinary tract research grant proposal and Kelly’s crusade to make hot school lunches healthier for kids. The coke bottle up the ass story was engaging, but after that my thoughts drifted off to Leo. These women are supposed to be