almost hear her take a breath before she went on.
âAnyway, Jeremy was out front, waiting. Dan was supposed to come home early to take him, but he was late.â
I was playing with Henry.
Jeremy remembered tossing the Frisbee, the dog sprinting back and forth, leaping to catch the flying disc, until they were interrupted by the sounds of a motorcycle turning into the driveway.
âIt was bad enough that he was lateââhis motherâs voice was louder nowââbut he showed up on a motorcycle. One of the guys he worked with had this big black Harley. Dan thought heâd give Jeremy a thrill and ride him to his practice on it.â
Jeremy could picture his father tugging off the helmet, smiling, shaking his head, running his fingers through his tousled hair. âKnow anybody who wants a ride?â he had said.
âJeremy!â He remembered the sound of his motherâs voice from behind the screen door. Short. Sharp. Angry. âPut the dog in the run,â she called, and he knew what else she was going to say. She was going to say no. She was going to say I couldnât go.
âAw, Mom! Please?â
His fatherâs face, hard now, the smile gone. âDo what your mother says.â
He ran to the back, Henry bounding beside him. The dog still wanted to play. Didnât want to be locked up . Jeremy had to go into the run first, coaxing Henry to follow. Then Jeremy squeezed out, leaving the dog behind.
âAnd he only had one helmet,â his mother was saying, the words sounding raw as they came out of her throat. ââYou canât take him without a helmet!â I was yelling. I was furious with him.â
Jeremy stood, an angry shiver coursing through his body. You shouldnât have yelled, he wanted to tell her. Thatâs why he gave me the helmet. He gave it to me. He should have been wearing it.
âHe shoved that huge helmet right over Jeremyâs head. It was way too big and too heavy. It sat on his shoulders and wobbled. Jeremy could hardly see.â
I could so. I saw. I saw everything.
He heard his mother sob. The sound made his knees buckle, and he slumped to the stairs.
âIt seemed like they were hardly gone before I heard the first sirens, and I thought, âNo. Canât be.â And after a while there were more of them, wailing past the house, and it was like I knew. I knew. I was already outside, running up the driveway when Officer McKendrick pulled in.â Her words burst out between more sobs. âI thoughtâ¦I thought bothâ¦â
Jeremyâs hands slipped over his ears. Stop! Stop crying! Stop crying!
It was a while before she spoke again, and this time her words were muffled by his hands. âThey took me⦠Jeremyâs leg wasâ¦operationâ¦two metal platesâ¦He missed the funeral. People came to see him. He wouldnât talk to anybody.â
They were crying. They cried and felt sorry for me . They felt sorry for me . I hated that they felt sorry for me.
âHe wonât talk about it.â She blew her nose again. It was a while before she went on. ââ¦some nights⦠terrible dreamâ¦â
There was a soft murmur from Milly.
âI donât knowâ¦something triggers themâ¦wets the bedâ¦the doctorsâ¦something about the accident. Something he hasnât talked about. He could tell me. He could tell me anything. Why doesnât he tell me?â She cried again.
Jeremy slumped against the railing. Can I tell her? Not this. Sheâllâ¦
He heard Milly make comforting noises and after a while the crying stopped. The sound of chairs scraping and cups clinking brought him to his feet. He was under the quilt with his eyes closed when his mother came in. He heard her soft footsteps, felt her breath warm on his face, her lips on his forehead. More steps. Only the shadows and his memories stayed.
ELEVEN
This will be perfect, Jeremy told