The Midnight Plan of the Repo Man by W. Bruce Cameron Read Free Book Online Page B

at first I thought they were saying ‘Buddy.’ Like Buddy Hackett.”
    â€œNo, it’s Ruddy, for Ruddick. Mother’s maiden name.”
    â€œAh.”
    I pulled on some clothes and went into the bathroom to comb my hair and brush my teeth. “ Stop! ” Alan commanded.
    I froze, raising an eyebrow.
    â€œThis is just really strange, looking at my reflection, only having it be somebody else,” he told me.
    â€œDidn’t we already have this conversation? Whose reflection is it?”
    â€œYou know what I mean. I guess I sort of halfway thought that it would be me in the mirror, and that I would find out that I had amnesia and suddenly woke up six four and three hundred pounds.”
    â€œSix two and two-twenty. Watch it.”
    â€œWhat happened to your nose?”
    â€œBroke it. Car accident. What happened to your body?”
    â€œI guess I lost it.”
    â€œTough break. Hate it when that happens.” I pulled on a jacket. “Well, I guess you might as well come along,” I told him. “Let’s go, Jake.”
    Jake considered it briefly, then lowered his head back down. “ Now , boy, let’s go,” I commanded sternly. He didn’t move. “Hey!” I snapped my fingers. Sometimes you have to show them who the alpha male is.
    Jake closed his eyes.
    â€œPlease?”
    I finally got him to move by pulling a box of dog biscuits out of the cupboard. Once up, he grudgingly allowed me to walk him around the block, lifting his leg on a few leafless shrubs out of moral obligation, but when we got back he fell on his blanket with a “thank God we got that out of our system” expression.
    I drove over to Milton’s office. Milton Kramer is a short, stocky guy who wears white short-sleeved shirts every day of the year and has a head that looks like it has been waxed and buffed. His skin appeared to have never been exposed to even a moment of sunshine. Milt’s life revolves around his work—I’ve almost never seen him out with his wife, whose name isn’t Ruby but that’s always what I want to call her when they have me over to their house for dinner.
    â€œHey, Milt.”
    â€œHello there and good morning, Ruddy. Say hello to my nephew, here. Ruddy McCann, this is Kermit Kramer.”
    Kermit didn’t get out of his chair, but he extended his hand with a smile. He had Milton’s pushed-in-looking nose and thick features, though his hair was dark and curly and his complexion a Mediterranean shade. “Kermit” was a good name for him; he was shaped a little like a frog, with narrow sloping shoulders and big wide hips.
    â€œKermit’s going to help me out a little this summer.”
    â€œSummer,” I agreed dubiously. I looked down at the wet snow I’d tracked in.
    â€œYep. Maybe you’d take him around, show him the ropes?”
    I nodded carefully. Milton didn’t need two men; was I being asked to train my replacement? Milton was the sort of person who always looked out for his family, even his brother’s sons. I was painfully aware that if I weren’t a repo man I’d be nothing.
    I sat in the metal chair facing Milton’s desk. “Got anything for me?”
    â€œYeah, believe so.” Milton put on a pair of reading glasses and looked over the tops of them at a file. “Ford Credit. A guy somewhere in Traverse City, said he’d make up the two payments he’s behind and then disappeared instead. Ford Mustang.”
    â€œOkay.” I reached for the file.
    â€œMind if I matriculate a little?” Kermit asked, intersecting my reach with his own.
    â€œIf you what?” I asked politely.
    â€œI just would like to see. You know, if I have any ideas.”
    â€œSure, sure, that’s a good idea,” Milton beamed. “Let’s let him metic-whatever, see if he can find the guy.”
    â€œOkay.” I paused. “Milt, I heard you got