The Mystery of Mr. Nice by Bruce Hale Read Free Book Online Page B

about on the job.
    I rushed through the auditorium doors. In rows of folding chairs sat parents, teachers, and the odd student who couldn't get out of coming. At the front stood the phony Principal Zero. Behind him sat Clint Squint and Ms. Darkwing.

    The principal was talking. "So, as you can see," he said, "this vocational school will be good for the students, good for the community, and good for Emerson Hicky Elementary."
    The audience swallowed his line like a catfish gulps mosquito fudge ripple ice cream. They applauded politely.
    Principal Zero—or should I say, Principal Knuckles—smiled like a dentist facing a mouthful of expensive cavities. His gang looked tickled, too. If you've never seen an armadillo and a bat grin, take it from me: It's not a pretty sight.
    "Now, if there are no questions," he said, "let's put this matter to a vote. All in favor—"
    "Wait!" I said. "I have a question."
    I ducked behind a parent, so Knuckles couldn't spot me.
    "Yes, someone in the back?" He shaded his eyes and peered into the audience.
    "Here's my question: How do you define
vocational?
"
    The fake principal's tail twitched. He snapped, "Who said that?" Then he caught himself and forced a chuckle that sounded as merry as a rattlesnake with the mumps.

    "Well," said Knuckles, "it means, 'relating to training for a job or career.' We'll train these children for a nice, profitable career."
    "What kind of career is that?" I said. I crept down the row.
    Knuckles tracked me with his eyes. He signaled someone behind me. I turned, and Guido the janitor trotted toward me with arms spread wide.
    "We'll train these children for careers in a growth industry," said the bogus principal. "Any other questions?"
    I left my row of chairs and scooted down the aisle. With Guido on my tail, I had no time to talk.
    "I'd like to know something," said a voice from the back. "What kind of growth industry makes kids take classes in stealing cars and picking pockets?"
    Good old Natalie, right on cue.
    The audience murmured. "What's this about stealing cars?" said a dignified old pigeon. "Whatever does she mean?"
    "She means they want to turn this into a school for crooks!" I shouted.
    Guido grabbed at me. I ducked under his arms and almost got knocked out by his B.O. Didn't any of these criminals know about personal hygiene? They needed to take Marge Supial's "Healthy Habits" class.
    I jumped to the wall and scuttled out of reach. Mr. Squint started down the aisle for Natalie.

    "Pay no attention to these kids," Knuckles growled. "They're just playing a childish prank. Let's vote. All in favor—"
    The audience rumbled like a pack of wolverines who forgot to make dinner reservations. An argument broke out between two parents. Jabbering teachers converged on Knuckles.
    I leaped off the wall and onto the stage. Dodging behind chairs, I dashed for the fake principal, with Guido in hot pursuit. If only I could rip off that mask...
    I hopped onto Knuckles's back like a flea on an elephant.
    "He's a fake!" I cried. "Look!"
    I tugged with both hands at the mask. Knuckles's big paws clamped down on my wrists.
    "Somebody get this gecko off me," he snarled.
    Guido plucked me off like a piece of belly-button lint. I looked for Natalie, but Mr. Squint had her cornered.
    It looked like our luck had run out.
    Bye-bye, detectives, hello crime school.

18. Knuckles's Sandwich
    Popper burst through the back door. "It's a raid, it's a raid!" she cried.

    Blue uniforms poured into the auditorium from all sides. Parents screamed. Teachers shouted. I bit Guido's paw.
    "Yow!" He dropped me like a bad habit.
    The crooks made a break for the door by the stage. Too late! Cops surrounded them.
    Fweeeet!
    Principal Zero's whistle cut through the pandemonium like a belch through a church service. Everyone fell silent. He waddled up the aisle toward me.
    "Took you long enough," I said.
    "Principals don't run," he said. Mr. Zero turned to the cops. "Officers, arrest these