The Night Before Christmas by Scarlett Bailey Read Free Book Online

filled the glasses with ruby red wine straight from a cut-glass decanter. ‘What is it you call my mum? Medusa?’
    ‘The children!’ Katy hissed, nodding at Jake, who, after having his song offer rejected, was now scratching Vincent’s ear, and Tilly, who was humming away in the corner as she fashioned herself an outfit made purely from tinsel.
    ‘Well, are you going to say hello to me, then, or am I passé now I’m the size of a house?’ Alex asked Lydia from the sofa, where she was sort of beached, her long legs resting on a footstall, her bump rising before her like a full moon.
    ‘Hello, love,’ Lydia said, slumping down next to her. ‘I swear you’ve gotten even more massive since I saw you last week! Are you sure you’re not due for another month?’
    ‘Quite sure,’ Alex said, frowning at her bump. ‘Although it is starting to feel like I’ve been pregnant for about a hundred years.’
    ‘Elephants are pregnant for nearly two years,’ Jake said, getting up from the fireplace, resting his chin on the bump and peering down his nose at it. ‘Perhaps you’re an elephant.’
    ‘Nice,’ Alex said, pursing her lips. ‘Really nice.’
    ‘Hello, Lydia, Stephen,’ Alex’s husband, David, said as he came back from somewhere that was evidentlyquite cold, as he still had a scarf on and was rubbing his hands together. ‘Good to see you! Awful out there. Lexi, don’t, whatever you do, go into labour now, we’ve got no chance of getting you to a hospital and I very much doubt this house is sterile.’
    ‘Hey, I clean,’ Katy protested.
    ‘And I’m not due for five weeks!’ Alex snapped. ‘Can we all please stop dwelling on my huge, massive stomach and talk about something else for once,
please
!’
    ‘Hormones,’ David mouthed silently at Lydia, causing Alex to shoot him a look that would have killed him, if only the laws of the universe would allow it.
    ‘So!’ Lydia said, taking a seat besides Alex and holding her hand. ‘Isn’t this perfect? The four of us together at Christmas. Do you know that, in all the years we’ve been friends, we’ve never done this? Even when we were at uni, we always went our separate ways at Christmas. And then there were boyfriends, husbands and in-laws. And look at us now, there’s snow, and a fire, and a tree, and countryside and isn’t it just a wonderful life?’
    ‘Bloody hell, have you been possessed by the spirit of Judy Garland?’ Alex asked irritably. ‘I expect it
is
wonderful, if you don’t have piles and constant acid reflux. And cankles, just look at my cankles! What if I never get my ankles back? What if I turn into one of those women who can only ever wear elasticated trousers and who constantly have their kids’ tea down their top and never get a decent haircut?’
    ‘What are you saying,’ Katy said, self-consciously tucking her mass of blonde curls behind her ears, and rubbing at an orange stain on her top. ‘And this isn’t the kids’ tea, it’s yours. I made you lasagne, Alex, because it’s your favourite. Because I
love
you, you fat cow.’
    Alex buried her head in her hands and groaned. ‘Oh, God, I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I’m such an awful bitch at the moment, it’s the hormones.’
    ‘That’s what I said,’ David interjected, earning him a reprise of the killer look.
    ‘Cows are pregnant for the same time as human beings,’ Jake told her. ‘You do look a bit like a cow.’
    ‘And now,’ Tilly said, emerging from the corner, a shimmering spectacle of a fire hazard, ‘I shall put on a show.’
    ‘Oh, God save me,’ Alex wailed, once more burying her head in her hands.
    It was at that exact moment the doorbell sounded and Vincent leaped from his slumber like a rather lopsided attack dog.
    ‘Oh, that’ll be Joanna,’ Katy said delightedly, looking at Lydia.
    ‘And Joanna’s new boyfriend!’ Lydia exclaimed. ‘Come on, let’s go and get a look at him!’
    Two women, two children and a dog raced for the