The Painting by Ryan Casey Read Free Book Online Page A

people along to laugh at me. Is that what this is? Some kind of joke? Well, ha-ha. I’ve had a real fucking laugh. Fucking laughing my guts up over here. But as a matter of fact, I have a novel to write. In fact, I was doing just fine until you lot came along with—with your fucking horrible special effects and sick jokes and, and… Just what’s going on?’
    Reginald sighed, turning his eyes away from Donny. “If you let my friend join us, I can explain, okay?”
    Donny’s skin was on fire. He tutted and shook his head, throwing the blanket from over his body and leaning forward. “Whatever. Do whatever you’ve got to do.” There was no time for messing around. He just needed to let this madman do his rambling and then get back to reality. Get back to Sara and the novel—that was it. Sara and the novel.
    Reginald stood up and walked over to the door from which he had entered. He raised his finger as if to say ‘just a moment’ and disappeared through it. Donny heard his footsteps patting down the hallway, then whispering, and then the door opened again.
    Reginald held the door open and nodded at Donny. “Donny, I’d like you to meet my good friend Alice and her friend Yelp.”
    A woman walked through the door. She was around Reginald’s age, her hair grey like a badger’s. She smiled at Reginald and nodded her head.
    But it wasn’t the woman who captured Donny’s attention.
    In front of her, there was an Alsatian dog. The woman was holding its top legs in her hands and gently pushing it forward as it walked on its two back legs. She edged it into the room with a synchrony and coordination that suggested she moved it around in this absurd manner quite regularly. The dog’s tongue dangled out, saliva dribbling onto the woman’s pale green cardigan.
    “Come on, you,” she said, as she nudged the dog further into the lounge. “Come on and show this gentleman your manners.”
    Donny watched the woman move the dog over to the sofa he was sat on. She’s not expecting me to… He shifted his legs out of the way as the woman lifted the dog onto the chair and positioned it perfectly upright like a human. Donny shifted himself further away from it as it looked around the room inquisitively, not paying much attention to him.
    “He’s growing up, isn’t he?” Reginald said from the other side of the room.
    “It’ll be three years since he stumbled along in a few weeks. Where does the time go?” She sat down on her knees in front of the fireplace as Reginald returned to his seat. Donny looked at the three of them in puzzlement. What the fuck?
    “Anyway, my apologies for being so rude; I’m Alice, and this here is Yelp.” She extended a warm smile in Donny’s direction.
    Donny turned to the dog, which remained perfectly upright, then looked over at Reginald and Alice.
    “Bloody ‘ell, you’re acting like you’ve never seen one before,” Alice said.
    Donny scratched his neck. “Yeah, I… I just don’t think I’ve ever seen one treated like this before.”
    Alice and Reginald both laughed. “Oh, well, we’re all learning, aren’t we?”
    “Look,” Donny said, firmly enough to snap them out of their jovial stupor. “I don’t mean to be rude but I just want to know what the hell’s going on here? One minute I’m… I’m in a house writing a book, running away from all sorts of crazy stuff, the next I’m sat on a sofa next to a—a fucking humanoid dog.”
    Reginald and Alice both looked at each other. Yelp turned to Donny, as if he’d noticed him for the first time, and started panting.
    “He really is from the other side, isn’t he?” Alice said.
    Reginald nodded. “Just as stubborn as the rest of ‘em.”
    “Well, Donny—I understand you’re obviously a bit confused right now, but I’m afraid your evening’s about to get a little more confusing.”
    Donny rolled his eyes. “Just tell me what’s going on. I’m absolutely sick of hearing the same old warning after