The Queen of Bright and Shiny Things by Ann Aguirre Read Free Book Online

been my best friend for three years—the one person I trust. And now this.
    “How did you see this playing out, exactly? You string her along until you actually are eighteen and then say, ‘By the way, baby, funny story, I’m actually five years younger than you’?”
    Ryan can’t even glare at me, though I suspect he wants to. “It seemed simple at first. Age is just a number, right? But then we were hooking up, as she has time, because she works two jobs and she thinks I do, too. Then there was the sex—” He trails off, seeing that’s not a good tack to take with me. “And I thought I was in love with her, okay?”
    “Thought?”
    “It’s complicated. At first, it seemed harmless to let people think we’re together, Sage. It was easy. It gave both of us some cred, you know?”
    The rage pushes. I shove it down, trembling as I listen.
    “At school and on Friday nights, you feel like my girlfriend. Most people think you are. So the line started to blur. It’s just physical now with Cassie … and everything else…” Ryan takes both my hands. “Sage, you’re everything else.”
    I’m so angry I can hardly speak. The feeling is fire, and it’ll burn me up if I don’t lock it down. I’m so scared. I can’t feel this. I close my eyes and breathe, willing it away. It’s better to be sad and hurt. I’ll take the damage rather than inflict any.
    When I finally speak, my voice is quiet and calm. “Are you asking me to be with you? While there’s a girl who still thinks her hardworking, nineteen-year-old boyfriend loves her?”
    To make matters worse, I know why he’s moving on me now. He was fine keeping Cassie and me in our respective roles, until it looked like I might be interested in someone else. Now, suddenly, Ryan wants to promote me to full girlfriend status. I guess he doesn’t want to lose the “cred” he mentioned before. He’s my best friend, but at the moment, I don’t like him very much.
    “Did it ever occur to you that I wondered if something was wrong with me?” I ask quietly.
    His eyes widen. “What—”
    “You never made a move, but nobody else asked me out, either. Other girls date all the time. But not me. Of course I worried about why. I try to be positive, but sometimes? It felt pretty crappy.”
    I can see the pain in Ryan’s eyes, but it doesn’t make mine go away. “I’m so sorry. That’s a hundred percent my fault.”
    “Because it was easier for you. That’s really selfish.”
    “Let me make it up to you.” He leans in, but I turn my face, so his mouth glances across my cheek. Ryan McKenna will not be getting my first kiss.
    “If you’re unhappy with this girl, you need to break up with her. She’ll probably be furious and ashamed, but that’s better than letting her think the relationship failed because of something she did.” I pause, weighing my next words. But, yeah, I mean them, though it means I’ll effectively be alone. “Once you do that, plus some hard thinking, I could consider being friends with you again. But right now? I need some time.”
    His mouth twists. “Are you breaking up with me?”
    Since I didn’t even know we were dating, that strikes me as funny. “I guess I am.”
    “You promised you wouldn’t judge me,” he says softly.
    “That was when I thought you might be gay. I can’t support you being a liar.”
    He flinches, but doesn’t dispute my assessment. When Ryan leaves, he takes a chunk of me with him. We’ve been through so much together, shared everything—I thought—but he had this whole other life that I never even suspected. It makes me feel stupid and disposable, like a paper towel he used to clean up his mess.
    I don’t sleep much that night, and it’s not because of the Dream.

 
    CHAPTER FIVE
    Monday morning sucks so hard, I have no words.
    Somehow I managed to hide my colossal bad mood from my aunt. She makes a point of doing stuff with me on a regular basis, which is more than my mom ever did. This