The Rain in Spain by Amy Jo Cousins Read Free Book Online

hips until Javi let his weight settle into her, holding her still.
    He pushed her hands over her head and stopped moving, waiting. Just waiting, until she caved and opened her eyes, knowing she couldn’t hide her emotions for shit and that he’d read it, all of the heartache and pain and feeling so very, very far from him.
    “Stop it, Magdalena.” He squeezed her wrists, his skin damp against hers in the heat of their un-air conditioned room. “Just tell me what it is you’re so afraid to talk about.”
    “Nothing.” She pulled her hands against his grip but he didn’t let go. She wanted to believe that he never would.
    “It’s not nothing. You’re scaring me.” He brushed his lips against her eyebrow, pushing the tiny hairs the wrong way until they prickled. “You think I don’t notice you pulling away from me?”
    “I’m not.” She stared over Javi’s shoulder into the dark corner of the room.
    He shook her wrists, pushing their hands into the mattress. “You are. I barely hear from you when you’re traveling, and now that I’m here with you, you won’t talk to me either.” He inhaled and his chest pressed against her, making it hard for her to catch her own breath. “Sorry. It’s okay. I know you need space. You don’t have to hold my hand.”
    Her scalp tingled, her hair caught beneath her shoulder, or some other more amorphous pain that crawled over her until her skin felt too tight. She couldn’t stand to see him try so hard for her when everything she needed, or wanted, disappointed him.
    She couldn’t resist a glance at his face. His eyes locked on hers in an instant, as if he could push his words deeper into her that way. “We used to talk so much, Magdalena. Until I thought I could drown in your words. I loved it.”
    She tucked her head under his chin, the tip of it pressing into her crown. The heat of his skin radiated against her mouth. Her mouth brushed him, so lightly it tickled the delicate skin of her lips, when she whispered into his chest. “I’m afraid to talk to you.”
    “Why?” The word rumbled in his bones.
    “Because.” She wanted to answer like a toddler and stop, but knew he would wait her out. He was far more patient than her. Yet another way she didn’t, couldn’t, be right for him. “We’re too good at talking, you and I. The truth always comes out. And I didn’t want this, us , to end.” Every muscle in his body stiffened against her. She flinched as if he’d pushed her off the bed. He knew. Knew as well as she did that their marriage was in trouble because of her, and the only reason they hadn’t discussed it before now was because she’d slowly stopped talking to him. About anything. “Javi—”
    “Don’t say it.” His sudden reversal shook her.
    “Wait.” She pulled her mouth away from his, twisting her face to the side.
    “No.” He kissed her fiercely, stopping her words. “No. Don’t say anything.”
    “Javi.” She spoke in between his kisses. “Stop.” He dragged his lips across her cheek and pressed his face into the side of her neck, holding still. He’d let go of her wrists and wrapped his arms under her shoulders, locking her against him.
    His forehead against her collarbone hurt, but the pain focused her. Gave her an anchor to which she could attach her fear and her determination to speak at last. Javi’s breath was harsh in her ear, hot against her skin.
    “Please don’t.” Her shoulder was wet. “I know what you’re going to say. Just wait.”
    She’d been waiting since the day they met, it sometimes felt, for him to wake up. “We can’t.”
    “We can. Just don’t . . . quit. I know you regret this.”
    She shook her head, confused. “Wait. What?”
    “God, Magda.” The nickname he almost never used, because calling her Magdalena was something only he did. “Do you think I didn’t leave you in Amritsar and know that you were going to wake up the next day wondering how the fuck you’d ended up married to