The Religion War by Scott Adams Read Free Book Online

them. The generals stood speechless as Cruz, the old man, and Waters exited the control room toward the High Commander's war room office.
    "Waters," said Cruz, "if this old man does anything dangerous, shoot him. I'm not sure what we have here yet."
    "Do you want me in the room?" asked Waters.
    "Keep the door open, but wait outside," ordered Cruz.
    The H2 Command office was designed for efficiency, not luxury. It stayed uninhabited except when Cruz needed to run things from there, which until now had only been drills.The desk and other surfaces were devoid of paperwork and personal effects.
    "Sit down," Cruz said to the Avatar.
    The Avatar walked to the large chair behind the command desk and sat down. Cruz watched with a combination of anger and amusement as he lost his seat to the old man. The general decided to stand, so at least he'd have a height advantage.
    "Let's start with who you are," he said.
    "My name is Avatar. Many years ago I was a package delivery-man in San Francisco. Now Ijust try to help wherever my particular skills are needed.That is why I'm here today."
    "And what are your particular skills, other than spooking my entire staff, and escaping from a maximum-security interrogation center?" asked Cruz.
    "I am immune from delusion," answered the Avatar.
    "I have to wonder how often that comes in handy," scoffed Cruz.
    "Take your current situation," explained the Avatar. "The world stands on the brink of losing two billion souls before the year is out.The stakes are enormous.Al-Zee's people believe they will go to paradise for killing their enemies. But you know they are deluded, do you not?"
    "That's obvious," said Cruz.
    "But it's not obvious to them," corrected the Avatar. "How do you explain to yourself their wrongness?"
    "They've been brainwashed and they don't know it."
    "So you agree that people who are brainwashed don't know it, even if someone helpful tries to point it out?" asked the Avatar.
    "Pretty much," huffed Cruz, getting impatient with this line of conversation that didn't seem to be going anywhere.
    "Then you understand that it's entirely possible that you're brainwashed into believing the Christian forces will prevail over the Muslims because God wants it so," said the Avatar.
    "Maybe in theory, but I'm not brainwashed. The Muslims are deluded, and nothing is gonna stop them except death. I plan to answer their prayers," said Cruz.
    "I'm confused by your answer," said the Avatar. "On the one hand you say you wouldn't know if you were brainwashed, and on the other hand you say you're sure you're not."
    "Brainwashing isn't that common. What are the odds someone brainwashed not only me but everyone I work with?" asked Cruz.
    "About the same as the odds that two billion Muslims would be brainwashed," said the Avatar.
    "Okay, you made your little point. But none of it matters. I believe what I believe. The war is happening. God is on our side and we're going to win it."
    "Surely you know you can't win it, don't you?" asked the Avatar.
    "I've got a hundred-to-one advantage in firepower. This thing will be over in sixty days."
    "Have you ever wondered why al-Zee hasn't used chemical or biological weapons for the past ten years?" asked the Avatar.
    "His loons did a few gas attacks years ago and it cost them a lot in public opinion. Al-Zee is a smooth operator. He's running a PR campaign as much as a war of terror. He's not looking for big numbers of dead, just the most photogenic events. Hell, he's been recording his own bombings and e-mailing the recordings to the media for a decade. Lethal gas doesn't look exciting on television. Explosions do."
    "That's partly right," agreed the Avatar. "But where do you think all the stockpiles of biological weapons went?"
    "Probably to some cave in Syria. There are a million holes in the ground."
    "Maybe this is a good time to tell you how I knew your war plans," offered the Avatar.
    Footsteps ran up the hallway. A security officer handed a note to Waters