The Secrets Between Us by Louise Douglas Read Free Book Online

the rack by the door.
    They came forward to meet me, Alexander first and Jamie hanging back. I tried to relax but it was awkward. Alexanderleaned down – I thought he meant to kiss me and held up my face, but he only took the bag from me. People swarmed around us like ants around an obstacle. We stood there, quiet in our own space, and they went round us.
    ‘You look good,’ he said, after what felt like for ever.
    I could not, in truth, say the same of him. He looked dishevelled, exhausted and drawn. He stroked his chin.
    ‘I like the beard,’ I said.
    ‘My grandpa says he looks like Jesus,’ said Jamie.
    ‘Oh yes?’
    ‘And Grandma says he looks a disgrace.’
    ‘Come on,’ said Alexander. ‘This way.’
    We were at the end of the queue to go down the stairs that took us to the tunnel beneath the platforms. I couldn’t think of a single thing to say. I tried to make myself relax, but I couldn’t. We weren’t in Sicily any more, we were back in the real world.
    Alexander’s dusty old Land Rover was in the car park at the front of the magnificent station façade. I opened the door and climbed up to the passenger seat. The footwell was littered with sandwich cartons, empty cans and parking tickets. I spotted the lid of a lipstick tube amongst the clutter. This small piece of silvery tat made me uneasy. I was sitting where Alexander’s wife used to sit. This was her place, at her husband’s side. She must have sat here thousands of times, next to Alexander. My face felt hot, as if I were doing something wrong.
    I pulled the door to and wound down the window. Alexander helped Jamie into the back, clearing space amongst the tools and overalls, then climbed in beside me and started the engine. The vehicle juddered and shook. He fiddled with a knob just beneath the steering wheel until the rattling subsided.
    ‘OK?’ he asked.
    ‘Yes, I’m fine. Is it far?’
    ‘About an hour to Avalon.’
    ‘Avalon?’
    ‘That’s the name of the house. Here.’
    He delved into the back well and passed me a plastic bottle that had once contained ginger beer but was now half full of tap water. It was warm, but still I drank. Alexander glanced at me, and then pulled the car out of its space, into the stream of taxis and buses queuing to leave the station.
    I gazed out at Bristol as the Land Rover bounced through the city. I asked a few questions, but Alexander’s answers were monosyllabic; he seemed to be entirely lost in thought, so I gave up, and just watched.
    We crossed the River Avon via an ugly road bridge at a spectacularly beautiful spot, and Jamie pointed to the suspension bridge to the right of us high above the wide, brown river that curled away between the sheer cliff-faces of the gorge, the forest to the left blooming with colour; a thousand different shades of green dropped into their mirror images in the water. I’d had no idea that Bristol was so breathtakingly dramatic, so lovely.
    ‘People jump off that bridge,’ Jamie said.
    I glanced over my shoulder at him. He was playing with a toy action figure. He held it upside down by its feet and dropped it as a demonstration.
    ‘They used to,’ Alexander corrected. ‘They used to bungee. We saw it on telly, didn’t we?’
    ‘It’s a terribly long way up.’
    ‘Or down,’ said Alexander. He turned his head towards me, but I couldn’t see his eyes, only myself reflected in the windows of his sunglasses. ‘Are you afraid of heights?’ he asked.
    I nodded. I couldn’t tell him that it was only since my pregnancy. Before that, hardly anything scared me. Since my baby was stillborn, I had realized how frightening andunpredictable life could be. I saw danger where previously I had only seen possibility.
    It wasn’t the pain of childbirth. I had expected that. When the persistent ache that had been squeezing me deep inside for a few days developed into a definite pain I was thrilled. I phoned Laurie to call him home from work and fortunately he was in the