The Skin of Our Teeth by Thornton Wilder Read Free Book Online

and a legionnaire’s cap.
    ANTROBUS:
    Fellow-mammals, fellow-vertebrates, fellow-humans, I thank you. Little did my dear parents think,—when they told me to stand on my own two feet,—that I’d arrive at this place.
    My friends, we have come a long way.
    During this week of happy celebration it is perhaps not fitting that we dwell on some of the difficult times we have been through. The dinosaur is extinct—
    Applause.
    â€”the ice has retreated; and the common cold is being pursued by every means within our power.
    MRS. ANTROBUS sneezes, laughs prettily, and murmurs: “I beg your pardon.”
    In our memorial service yesterday we did honor to all our friends and relatives who are no longer with us, by reason of cold, earthquakes, plagues and . . . and . . .
    Coughs.
    differences of opinion.
    As our Bishop so ably said . . . uh . . . so ably said. . . .
    MRS. ANTROBUS:
    Closed lips.
    Gone, but not forgotten.
    ANTROBUS:
    â€˜They are gone, but not forgotten.’
    I think I can say, I think I can prophesy with complete . . . uh . . . with complete. . . .
    MRS. ANTROBUS:
    Confidence.
    ANTROBUS:
    Thank you, my dear,—With complete lack of confidence, that a new day of security is about to dawn.
    The watchword of the closing year was: Work. I give you the watchword for the future: Enjoy Yourselves.
    MRS. ANTROBUS:
    George, sit down!
    ANTROBUS:
    Before I close, however, I wish to answer one of those unjust and malicious accusations that were brought against me during this last electoral campaign.
    Ladies and gentlemen, the charge was made that at various points in my career I leaned toward joining some of the rival orders,—that’s a lie.
    As I told reporters of the Atlantic City Herald, I do not deny that a few months before my birth I hesitated between . . . uh . . . between pinfeathers and gill-breathing,—and so did many of us here,—but for the last million years I have been viviparous, hairy and diaphragmatic.
    Applause. Cries of “Good old Antrobus,” “The Prince chap!” “Georgie,” etc.
    ANNOUNCER:
    Thank you. Thank you very much, Mr. Antrobus.
    Now I know that our visitors will wish to hear a word from that gracious and charming mammal, Mrs. Antrobus, wife and mother,—Mrs. Antrobus!
    MRS. ANTROBUS rises, lays her program on her chair, bows and says:
    MRS. ANTROBUS:
    Dear friends, I don’t really think I should say anything. After all, it was my husband who was elected and not I. Perhaps, as president of the Women’s Auxiliary Bed and Board Society,—I had some notes here, oh, yes, here they are:—I should give a short report from some of our committees that have been meeting in this beautiful city.
    Perhaps it may interest you to know that it has at last been decided that the tomato is edible. Can you all hear me? The tomato is edible.
    A delegate from across the sea reports that the thread woven by the silkworm gives a cloth . . . I have a sample of it here . . . can you see it? smooth, elastic. I should say that it’s rather attractive,—though personally I prefer less shiny surfaces. Should the windows of a sleeping apartment be open or shut? I know all mothers will follow our debates on this matter with close interest. I am sorry to say that the most expert authorities have not yet decided. It does seem to me that the night air would be bound to be unhealthy for our children, but there are many distinguished authorities on both sides. Well, I could go on talking forever,—as Shakespeare says: a woman’s work is seldom done; but I think I’d better join my husband in saying thank you, and sit down. Thank you.
    She sits down.
    ANNOUNCER:
    Oh, Mrs. Antrobus!
    MRS. ANTROBUS:
    Yes?
    ANNOUNCER:
    We understand that you are about to celebrate a wedding anniversary. I know our listeners would like to extend their felicitations and hear a few words from you on that subject.
    MRS. ANTROBUS:
    I have been asked by