The Snowflake by Jamie Carie Read Free Book Online

whole life would have been different. My mother hadn’t tied me to my brother with a deathbed promise until I was nineteen.
    “I felt a little bad about that, but I only let a few months go by and a lot of distance when I wrote to them. Stephen and I ended up in California, working on the docks, loading and unloading ships in San Francisco Bay. One day we were horsing around and decided to hide aboard one of them. Somehow we got bolted in an enclosed area in the cargo section of the hull. Next thing we knew, we were on our way to Brazil and then Argentina with a ship full of grain. What started as a lark turned into a five-year adventure on the high seas.”
    I thought of all the places he must have seen. It was hard for me to imagine such a carefree and adventurous life. “How did you end up in Alaska?”
    “A ship.” I could hear the smile in his voice. “Fish, sealskin, and whale blubber make a good export business. Stephen and I saved up enough money to buy our own ship, and then we headed for Alaska to set up our trading venture. We made friends with the Tlingit and other natives along the coast. In six more years we had a whole fleet of ships trading all over the world, and our company brought work to the struggling coastal villages. It turned out even better than we dreamed it would.”
    “Is that how you met your wife? In one of those villages?”
    “Yes. When I first met her, she was sixteen and I was twenty-one. Her father asked that I wait two years before marrying her.” His voice took on a faraway tone. “When I came to her village, she would run out to meet me with such exuberance, and then she would stop and look down, so shy, while I approached. It took a good while for me to get her to open up and talk, but . . . I just knew she was the one.”
    A stab of jealousy ripped through my stomach, surprising me with its intensity. The feeling was followed by shame. What right did I have to be jealous? None. “So you were married five years before she was killed.”
    “I will never forgive myself for taking her to Skagway with me. I knew the land was changing since the gold rush. I knew how dangerous it could be.”
    Buck’s voice held all the bitterness of self-recrimination, and I could imagine the game of “what-ifs” he must have played over and over in his mind. “You couldn’t have known what would happen, Buck.” I tried to comfort him with soft words. “Where did you live?”
    “We had a nice house in Sitka. I still do I guess, but I will probably sell it. I’m not sure where I will live after I find the man who shot her. I guess I’m a wanderer again.”
    I liked the idea that we were both wanderers, but I wasn’t sure that I should. “I don’t know where I will live either.” My shivering had stopped, and I turned onto my back and looked up through the darkness at the pinpoints of starlight. Buck was facing me on his side with his head propped up on his hand, his eyes glinting like silver in sthe diffused light. I reached up and touched his cheek. “But I do know one thing.”
    “What’s that?” His voice was pained and raspy.
    “I’m glad to be alive. Thank you, Buck.”
    Inch by slow inch, he leaned toward me, and I thought he would kiss me, but there was enough light from the fire to see the battle raging in his eyes. His breath fanned across my face. I tilted my chin up in acquiescence, but he stopped, pulled back, and sighed.
    “Good night, Ellen.” He lay down as I turned back over and away from him, tears of disappointment stinging my eyes. He pulled me hard into his chest. “I’m sorry.” He said it so low I had to strain to hear it. “I wish I could give you something. I want to.”
    “There is one thing I want,” I whispered.
    “What’s that?”
    “Christmas is coming. My father left us just before Christmas and—” The ache in my throat made words impossible for a few seconds.
    Buck pulled me in tighter and leaned his face into my neck, waiting for me