The Sphere by Martha Faë Read Free Book Online Page A

waits until you’re feeling strong to really punch you in the gut. It waits until you’re feeling strong to show you that you’re the weakest link. That’s my punishment for coming to this party floating on my own personal cloud nine. Whoever falls in love is bound to lose, I’ve always known that. But I refuse to accept that I’m on the losing side this time.
    “Come on, Dissie. Don’t be childish.”
    Axel tries to hold onto me. I guess he wants to give me a hug, but all I want is to run away. I’ll do it. This time there will be no mistake. I will stand firm. Now there really is no going back. I’ll leave for good, just as soon as I finish telling him the truth to his face—I have to at least make sure he knows how selfish he is.
    A couple tries to come out on the porch but they hurry back to the living room as soon as they notice us arguing.
    “They’ve been fighting for a while now.”
    The comment floats out to us, followed by laughter that means the whole thing is too banal to be worth noticing. We’re the superficial attraction of an even more superficial party. The music goes on playing, mingling with conversations about theses, horses, vacations in exotic places. The world keeps spinning, even though my heart has stopped.
    “We’ll have to go out for a smoke some time, right?” someone says from the living room, just loudly enough for us to hear.
    More laughter follows the wisecrack. I’m sick of being the butt of the joke, tired of having only two options in my life: invisible woman, or fool.
    “Dissie, please...”
    Axel speaks to me as calmly and sweetly as ever. If my world hadn’t just fallen apart I’d think I really matter to him, that his gaze is sincere. His eyes wait for my answer, but I’ve got nothing else to say. I feel totally empty. Mechanically I push his arms away. I don’t know when he managed to embrace me. I can tell from his face that now my eyes are dark gray, stormy gray, merciless. Finally our fingertips separate, and I turn my duck-feet away and get out of there as fast as I can.
    Axel leans on the railing and watches me. The curtains flap in the breeze, spiraling and dancing in and out of the living room. I don’t look back. I know he’s watching me but I don’t look back, I’ll never look back again. I walk toward Carl without really knowing why; my brain no longer controls my actions; my body no longer seems to have a soul. I don’t have to say a word. He takes my hand and we go out. In the distance I hear voices telling Axel to let me go, to forget about me. It all seems like a bad dream, as if it were happening to someone else, not to me.

4
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    A mass of smoke and dust and fog thickens the air and makes it hard to breathe. In a way I’m glad it’s hard to breathe, because that means I’m alive. I don’t know where I am and I don’t know what happened, but I know I’m alive. Something is tugging at me. I’m still strapped in by the seatbelt. I feel around for the buckle so I can free myself, but when I press the button I fall on my head. The car is upside-down. I touch something that feels like grass. I crawl through the window without any trouble; the glass must have broken. Yes, that makes sense. I stand up without any problem. Nothing hurts. I’ve been in an accident, but I’m not hurt. I flipped over... We flipped over—suddenly I remember my companion.
    “Carl... Carl...”
    My voice sounds like it’s coming from inside a tin can. There’s no answer. I run desperately around the car, once, twice, then stop. My heart skips a beat. There’s no sound. I don’t hear any insects, no wind, not even the noise of my own feet stepping on the grass and the shattered glass. I crawl back into the car and little shards of glass stick into my hands. I look for Carl but it’s impossible to find him: the darkness is so thick that I have to feel my way through it. I touch something that feels like a flashlight and my fingers fumble