The Summer House by Susan Mallery Read Free Book Online Page B

is that possible?”
    “Mandy, I was a total nerd. I didn’t know how to talk to girls. I hadn’t stopped growing and I was still tripping over my own feet.” He shrugged again. “Which is off the point. I wanted to play house rather than have a mature relationship. I was more into sex being available than worrying about your needs. I wanted a mistress and a housekeeper to fulfill my vague fantasies of what marriage should be like. I was young and dumb and I’m sorry.”
    His ease of conversation didn’t dilute his sincerity. She hadn’t expected them to discuss their marriage at all, but if she had, she would never have thought Rick would be so willing to take responsibility for his part in things. She knew then that she couldn’t do any less.
    “I was young, too. Young and foolish with a lot of unrealistic expectations.” She tucked the covers under her arms. “I used to watch my dad with all thewomen in his life. I don’t remember how he was with my mom before she died, but after, he treated his girlfriends like pets or toys. They were easily discarded. I always wanted to be more than that. I wanted to be…everything to the man in my life.”
    Rick winced. “That was probably the one thing I didn’t want you to be.”
    “I know. You had your studies, which took up so much time. I wanted you to focus on me, and I wasn’t willing to go find other interests. I didn’t make friends, I didn’t continue going to college.”
    “We moved across the country,” he reminded her. “You were all alone.”
    “Making excuses for me?” she asked with a smile.
    “Trying to see both sides.”
    “I do that, too. With that pesky wisdom of hindsight, I know now that I should have gotten a life of my own instead of expecting you to be everything to me. If I’d had my own friends and things to do, I wouldn’t have spent so much time waiting for you to come home. I wouldn’t have resented your long hours, the study groups, the dinners with your professors.”
    “Then I dragged in late, wanting sex rather than conversation. I’m sorry, Mandy.”
    “Me, too.” She sighed. “The harder I tried to pull you to me, the more you pushed back. I felt you slipping away and I didn’t know what to do.”
    He nodded. “Instead of talking about what was wrong, I ignored it, and you. I think we both wanted the other to give in, so we could each be right.”
    She tilted her head and studied him. “For a scientific nerd type, you know a lot about people.”
    “I’ve learned some. I’m still learning. Light particles make a whole lot more sense to me, though.” He shifted so he was lying on his side, facing her. “I remember the first time I saw you. I took one look into those pretty green eyes and knew you were the one. What happened to that?”
    His question made her sad. She hadn’t been the one…not for him. He’d let her go without a backward glance. Of course, she’d done the same with him.
    “It got lost,” she said.
    “Too many maybes,” he told her. “Maybe if I’d responded to your needs better. Maybe if you’d fit in to our life in Boston more. Maybe, maybe, maybe.”
    “And now everything is different.”
    So different, she thought. She’d finally figured out how to make her life work. If she’d stayed with Rick, would that have happened? So many things would have been different. She might never have found her way into her current teaching position. She might never have met Eva.
    “What?” he asked. “I saw something in your eyes. Something I can’t explain.”
    “Eva,” she said, knowing right away what he meant. “I was thinking that if you and I had stayed together, my life would be really different. I wouldn’t have met her.”
    “Who is she?”
    “A little girl in my class. She’s eight. She’s one of the kids with Down syndrome. She’ll never have a regular life like everyone else, but I see so much potential in her. She’s a sweet spirit slowly being crushed to death in foster