The Teacher from Heck by R.L. Stine Read Free Book Online

thinking hard. “It would be a punishment?” he asked. “Really?”
    â€œReally,” I said. “A terrible punishment.”
    â€œThanks for telling me, Bernie.” He closed the door in my face. I could hear him chuckling through the door. I recognized that evil chuckle.
    â€œYes!” I whispered, pumping my fists into the air. “Yesss! Bernie B., you’re still a genius!”
    I hurried back to Rotten House. Feenman and Crench were finishing breakfast.
    â€œWant some tree bark, Bernie?” Crench asked. “I saved you some soft pieces.”
    â€œForget the tree bark,” I said. “We’ll all be eatingpeanut-butter pie again real soon.” I grinned my famous grin at them. “Check your watches, dudes. Trust your leader. Life will be sweet again by tomorrow morning!”

Chapter 17
S AD N EWS
    Mr. Skruloose barked out the rhythm as he marched us across the field. “Stand up straight, soldiers! We had to march in total darkness. The sun wasn’t up yet. My stomach growled. My legs ached. But I was happy. I had a smile on my face.
    I kept checking my watch. I knew what would happen next.
    And, yes, here he came. Headmaster Upchuck, trotting across the grass, his gray suit jacket flapping behind him.
    â€œSoldiers, halt!” Mr. Skruloose shouted as the Headmaster ran up to us. We all stopped, breathing hard, drenched in sweat.
    Upchuck saluted Mr. Skruloose. Then he turned to us. “Boys, I have sad news,” Upchuck said.
    I stepped forward. “Sir, may we keep marching?” I said. “We love to march. Marching for two hours is the best part of our day.”
    Skruloose picked me up and dropped me back with the other guys. “Be quiet, Bridges,” he said. “Let the Headmaster get a word in.”
    â€œOf course, sir,” I said, saluting. “See, Headmaster Upchuck? See how we love it when Mr. Skruloose gives us orders? Do you think maybe we could march for three hours today?”
    Upchuck cleared his throat and pulled himself up to his full three-foot height. “Sorry, boys. Bad news. Mr. Skruloose is too good to be wasted on youRotten House bums.”
    â€œYes, he’s brilliant, sir,” I said. “That’s why we need him. That’s why we’d follow him anywhere.” I saluted again.
    Upchuck turned to me. “Thank you, Bernie, for telling me how brilliant Mr. Skruloose is. Because of that, I’m taking him away from Rotten House—and from the fourth grade. And I’m naming him Assistant Headmaster !”
    Whoa. I hadn’t planned on that. But, okay. As long as Skruloose was out of Rotten House…
    I had to make sure. I dropped to my knees and started to beg. “Please, sir, don’t take him away from us. We don’t want him to leave.”
    Upchuck chuckled. “If you want him, Bernie, I have no choice. Say good-bye to him.”
    â€œGood-bye!” we all shouted at once.
    Mr. Skruloose gave us a long salute. “Keep eating that tree bark, soldiers,” he said. “You look tougher already. I’ll miss you guys.”
    He started walking away with Headmaster Upchuck.
    â€œWe won’t forget you, sir,” I called. “Can we helpyou pack your bags? We know you’ll want to hurry—won’t you, sir?”
    We didn’t start celebrating—laughing and cheering and high-fiving and slapping knuckles and hooting and rolling around on the grass—until the two of them were out of sight.

Chapter 18
W HO W INS THE W ATER WAR?
    The next morning I awoke with a smile. Sunlight poured through my window. Belzer came in humming, carrying my breakfast tray.
    â€œI didn’t know if you wanted eggs or French toast,” he said.
    â€œJust put the eggs on top of the French toast,” I said. “Pour the syrup on gently…gently. Just a drizzle. Did you take the pulp out of my orange juice?”
    â€œOf course,”