The Third-Class Genie

The Third-Class Genie by Robert Leeson Read Free Book Online

Book: The Third-Class Genie by Robert Leeson Read Free Book Online
Authors: Robert Leeson
that can?”
    “Seriously, my lad, I took it and put it where it belonged, in the ash bin.”
    “OH NO!” spluttered Alec through his first mouthful of kippers. He stood up, kicking back his chair.
    “You sit down and finish your tea.”
    “But…”
    “Can I not have my tea in peace?” said Dad. Alec sat down.
    “Have the dustbin men been today?”
    “They’re due, but I think there’s a strike on at the depot. There always seems to be trouble down there these days.”
    Kim grunted, “If I were a dustman, I’d go on strike for ever.”
    “If you were a dustman, you could make a start on that room of yours,” retorted her mother.
    “Can I get down?” asked Alec, pushing in the last mouthful of kipper.
    Hardly waiting for his mother’s reply, he barged out of the kitchen door and into the back yard. There was no sign of life from the caravan, which meant Grandad was probably down at the senior citizens’ club, rolling them in the aisles with his impersonations of George Formby including some words George Formby never used.
    The overflowing dustbin stood in the corner of the yard, and by it stood a pile of cans and bottles covered with an old mat. Alec leapt at the pile and threw the mat aside. Beans, custard, fruit salad. Ah, there it was. Alec picked up the familiar shiny can and looked inside, jerking back as he came face to face with a large earwig. He tipped out the insect, which was very reluctant to leave its new luxury home, and rushed indoors again.
    “You’re not taking that filthy thing upstairs,” said Mum.
    “Oh, Mum.”
    “Well, at least wash it out, then. It’s been standing in the yard.”
    “I mustn’t wash it.”
    “What do you mean, lad?” Mum took the can from him and marched over to the sink. She shot a stream of detergent through the hole in the top, followed it with a stream of hot water and shook it vigorously. Only after two changes of water, hot and cold, and a brisk rub with a tea-towel was the tin handed back, and Alec, rigid with alarm, was allowed to take it upstairs. He sank down on the bed and said breathlessly. “Salaam Aleikum, O Abu Salem.”
    “Aleikum Salaam, O Alec.”
    Alec breathed a sigh of relief. “You’re all right, then?”
    The genie laughed. “The renowned Shahrazad bathed in milk for the sake of her beauty, but never was there such a refreshing bath as mine. Whence came that mighty wave of foam?”
    “Oh, that was detergent. But you are OK then, Abu?”
    “IlHamdulilaah, thanks be to Allah. I am, as you say, OK. What is thy will?”
    “Abu, I really needed you today.” And Alec told the genie of the day’s disasters from the time he had left home in the morning without the can, until he had rescued it from the dustbin that evening. Abu heard it all in high good humour (which rather irritated Alec), until Alec described the history lesson and Tweedy Harris’s sarcasm over Alec’s version of the Crusades.
    “By the Beard of the Prophet. If the great and wise Ibn Khaldun knew the truth of it, why should this miserable worm say different? Say the word and his head shall never see his shoulders again. Nay, better still, we shall smite him with the Great Itch, that he may never sit down again until he has seen the truth.”
    Alec collapsed at the thought of Tweedy Harris smitten with the Great Itch, but he told Abu, “Oh, I think I’ll let Tweedy Harris live his horrible life in peace. I’ve got a much more important piece of instant magic for you to perform.”
    “Say but the word.”
    “Not so fast, Abu. What I want you to do has to wait until dark. Meanwhile, what about a quick shish kebab? Not a feast, but a bit with bread to take away, while I do my English homework.”
    “Homework?”
    Alec explained as simply as he could. “I have to write my own version of this story we were reading in English today.”
    “Ah, a merry tale?”
    “Not really. It’s a very modern story, about a girl who’s going to have a baby and goes to live on

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